Peter, my straight friend, is screaming into his mobile phone, “Chris, this ranks with one of the stupidest things you’ve ever done”. What are you talking. “Let me begin, you helped start a company, which you knew was a bad idea, burned thru $100 million and then blew it up”. It’s was other people’s money. “You abandon your family and disappear to to Europe”. Disappear is a relative term. “You have your boy toy living with you in a corporate paid apartment in some swank part of London”. He’s more than that and the neighborhood was a bit iffy, I didn’t feel safe at night. “Your own children come to visit and your ‘boyfriend’ sleeps there as well”. He slept on the couch, so it doesn’t count.
There’s no summer of re-runs with me. Friends – I’ve outed myself to one of the co-founders of my current company, my primary supporter, and a confirmed homophobe. And I did it all by accident. I was scribbling an email note to him and attached a PDF file. Only I attached the wrong PDF file. I attached a PDF of an old profile of me on match.com that I had saved. A gay profile. One of these where I indicate an affection for all things Latin or Asian. Could it possibly have been worse?
Yesterday afternoon, a chat window on my mobile phone chimes. I’m in some stupid customer meeting. “Chris – what’s the match.com thing?” Huh? “Why are you looking for Asian men?” Because there’s not much different between young Asian women and men, it’s all crispy? “Why did you send me this attachment?” I quickly sign off. F*ck.
I race home after the meeting and discover my attachment mistake, which shall otherwise be known as the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
So now what do to. Peter calms down, he’s starting to think, he can be very sinister when he want to be, I’m currently incapable, please call again later. “Don’t do anything. Ignore it”. Really? “If you do anything it will simply confirm what he already suspects”. OK. “It’s going to have to be don’t ask, don’t tell – since you’ve not confirmed, he can safely act like it didn’t happen, they’re already suspicious about you not living with your family”. F*cking great, just great.“The upside is now they can’t fire you, 47 year old confirmed gay guy with a hanky for young Latinos, dude – you’re golden”.
Doesn’t feel that way. So here I go again, living life close to the edge.