Had my last therapy session with Brian today via telephone after much rescheduling due to my work. Told him, he too must be busy, fall, all the nuts falling from the trees. Couldn’t resist. He’s been a tremendous aid through all of this and should a dark shadow appear, he’s #1 on my call list, but for now, I’ve got command of the con.
Overall, it’s been pretty anti-climatic. I’m home, working, sleeping in my bed, being a pseudo-dad, traveling, working, it’s like my summer vacation is now officially over. None of my summer friends have popped up via telephone, email, IM or other. Just plain disappeared. Obviously, the term long lasting friendships wasn’t my case.
What has struck me is how awful divorce is. Straight or gay, how do start the process of finding a new relationship and what sort of people do you find. The older you get, the tougher it becomes. We all develop layers of paint, experiences, attitudes, things the way we like it. Clear to me, a bar is not the place to find any sort of meaningful relationship. Always exceptions to any rule, but you find things when you least expect them.
Peter has been an illumination to me. Watching him run through cycles, he finds someone, they like him, he doesn’t, then he goes thru the process of getting rid of them. Or he likes them, they don’t and I watch as he pulls himself back together. Like clothing, we can all only withstand so many wash cycles before our fabric shreds. Best to be on the gentle cycle.
But relationships are never on the gentle cycle. As Peter has pointed out, if in the beginning there isn’t a full head of steam, when will there be? But the constant abuse wears the corners down and fades the color. Over time, he may be a well worn pair of jeans.
I’m living my life one day at a time. I’m not afraid to admire a guy but the electric dog fence is on at my house and I’m trying to respect the boundaries.