Awoke very early this morning, the remaining drip drop sounds of the rain from last evenings thunderstorm. Laying there in the silence, I thought about Peter’s offer to accompany me into a gay bar last week. He was perfectly happy going and with drink in hand talk to anyone in the bar.
Peter is comfortable with himself, “man whore” that he is and me, I’m his best wing man, corraling the good talent in his direction. But I’ve started to recognize a bunch of guys who I think aren’t comfortable with their sexuality. These are the ones who make awkward sexual references or anti-gay comments. Guys who talk alot about their conquests or need to advertise their manly virality but with the stark reality, “they ain’t getting any”.
A “good ole boy” in my office, mid 30’s, chubby little wife, 2 cute little kids, big into sports, honking truck, a real family guy – he likes to hassle me about whatever I’m wearing that day when I come zipping by his office on my Razor scooter. He dresses super plain, non-descript pants, basic shirt, buzz cut hair. Loves me though, his wife and him practically knocked people down to sit at our table at the Holiday party. Lately, he pops up on my IM with somewhat weird double meaning questions. I’m having an “American Beauty” moment thinking this guy may not be as straight as he’d like everyone to think.
Gay or straight isn’t a digital yes/no decision, something I personally would really like, but rather a continuum of graduations. Lots of gay guys have told me they’ve slept with women, several even go back occasionally to women, they seem comfortable with that aspect of their life. We’re all familiar with the Kinsey 0-6 sexuality ranking and I’m probably a 3 or 4 on the scale.
But for a straight guy to even casually admit interest in another male or anything other than attest to being a “0” on the scale, makes them subject to immediate disbarment from the straight world. So I’m left wondering how many 2’s or 3’s are out there that are constantly steering themselves back to 0.