My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Relationships, the race is on

Peter is out in LA again chasing god knows what. He’s really quite good with relationships. He knows what to say, when to say it, what not to say and how to handle a situation. He’s good, I’m not so good at it. Awkward would be the word.

But unlike Peter, I’m not looking for a weekend fling or to impress someone for a moment. I’m looking for someone to be in my life and that means I have to be me, sadly all the time. Trying to craft the right thing to say at the right moment, seems overly scripted. I just say what I’m feeling or thinking. It’s a stream of conscientious, not everyone can handle that.

Thursday night, Chris kept looking at me exclaiming “I am really stoned”. Yes, indeed you are. In the morning, I asked Chris why this question from him all the time. He replied that he wanted to know that I was at the same place with him, that we were together in our feelings. We were.

I think about bob sled racing. Both partners have to jump on at the same time, hang on to each other and after that, not much else matters, the ride is on. It strikes me that relationships are similar. Those first moments, both partners, a rush of energy, fully coordinated, a leap of faith and then you just hold on, not much else you can do.

We’ve all watched couples who are halfway down the track and still arguing about who gets to ride up front. Desperately trying to align their orbits, but the whole thing is wobbling. From the side of the track, you and I know how it ends. It’s pointless to attempt recovery, there’s going to be a crash. The moment has been lost. But yet they cling together hoping to make it right, but there are no second beginnings.

OK so I’m still recovering from my weekend with Chris. Yes I’m a bit emotional and yes I’m still in “woman mode” and fu for noticing.

3 Comments

  1. it’s cool to be emotionally under the weather. Nothing wrong or embarassing. So Stop fu-ing people, you’ll get emotion from people when you show emotion to people which means telling them that you’re sad and pining.
    Daddy won’t give you ice-cream, not unless you ask for it.
    -Brigadier General Tom

  2. How long before you see Chris in London?

  3. We’re all looking for similar things…deep down…good luck trying to find it. I’ve been gay for over 10 years now…and no luck!

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