My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Men, they’re all sleazebags

Out in Phoenix few weeks back, I was awoken in my hotel room late on night, couple next door, headboard banging against the wall. Oh well, at least somebody’s getting some.

Next day, Peter, my work colleague and straight friend, calls me on my mobile, he’s telling me about this colleague he shagged the night before and he wants to borrow my car keys to run an errand. He asks what room I’m in, “1310”. What? “1310”. OMG, we were in 1312, is that next door? “Yes it is”. Since that day, I haven’t been able to look Peter in the eyes any longer. I just call him “Tiger”.

So Peter ends up shagging this girl twice at the conference. She’s mid-30’s, professional, owns her own consulting company, doing well for herself. Two weeks later, Peter is in her home town and he stays at her house for two nights. Takes her to dinner, the whole romance thing, he chats with her daily on the phone.

Well over Thanksgiving, Peter is up in New York and the poor girl is calling him. In a drunken haze late one night, he starts sending these weird and a bit hateful text messages back to her. He wants her to go away. He’s done with her. NEXT.

Peter is sheepishly explaining that he “guesses” he gave the wrong signals to her about his interests. Guesses? Well – screwing her 4 times and being all lovely dovey certainly would be my guess.

What strikes me is that there are certainly gay versions of Peter. Equally as charming, sending all the right signals, then suddenly deciding the fishing is better elsewhere. The reality is this girl is better off without Peter but I’m sorry she had to endure this. What’s she gonna be like when a truly nice guy comes along? Be horribly cautious? Play hard to get? Drop him the first time he does something wrong?

There are clearly folks who taken me for a ride (and not in that dashing thru the snow in a one horse open sleigh sorta way) and I have to keep remembering to reset my expectations with each person I meet. The next one could be the right one.


  1. could he be? is there a right one? what if there isn’t?? what if that is a fairy tale? What if after 10 years of dating, you still have not met him? will you start to think he’s not there?

  2. I hate to run into Russ and have my heart broken. I’m glad he’s your friend and not your lover…..
    You know better than to take him as an example of normal people falling in love

  3. I know what you mean…I think I’ve been on the receiving end of one or two “Russ”s in the past year and each time, it’s a struggle to not become cynical and jaded. I want to keep my wide-eyed optomistic attitude towards romance/Mr Right etc, but each time, it becomes harder and harder!

  4. Hi, this is russ and the next time you write about me on your website, i’m sending this website to your wife.

  5. Hi this is W and I think Russ is hilarious.

  6. Russ may be a slut, but he’s my slut.

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