TC is in London. I should know. He called me twice today, having to trudge each time down to the McDonald’s at Waterloo Station so he could get Internet to Skype me. He’s clearly in the trust but verify mode.
Last night, prior to his flight, we talked about us and I put on the table it was my intent for us to get married. Well — that’s all he needed to hear, first came the tears and then he had to explain how he wanted his “wedding” to be. The conclusion was that he wanted us to get married as well.
Now before you start ranting about how dumb I am and consequently how smart you are (usually that’s the typical flow). TC and I have effectively lived together for 2 years. I’m not sure I’m going to know him any better. How much more data do I need to make a decision? I married my wife after only 1 year of dating.
My friend, Peter, was always fond of saying that relationships are either coming together or falling apart and that there is no steady state. With that axiom in mind, I either need to step up the relationship with TC or say good bye. Do you just live together forever? Fish or cut bait. I’ve watching straight couple who get stuck in the engaged state for a long time with cold feet towards marriage or better get divorced quickly after marrying. The dynamics of all this are quite fragile.
Years ago, my therapist had detailed that a portion of his business was providing council to gay couples on how to create stages of their relationship as it was always a source of big problems. Well, I don’t need a $$$ therapist to have figured that out. Look at all the money I’m saving.
After 2 years, it’s time to lay down another card. It’s that simple. NOOO — I’m not turning over my assets to him and NOOO I’m ain’t gonna screw over my family. Rather, it’s time that TC and I recognize that this more than just dating or some casual relationship, it’s a bond and commitment.
It’s handy so I can put him on my medical insurance, it’s handy – because I would gain rights to live/work in Canada and he would gain rights to live/work in Europe. Who care about the United States of Indifference? I’m trying to exit this place as fast as possible. So beyond the emotional aspects, there are some real working benefits as well.
It requires a concentrated effort in gaydom to step up the relationship, create those milestones, celebrate them when you get there and look up towards the next one. It can be a life long process.