My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Last night out

BeBar, the last remaining DC gay bar that I’ve never visited. The crowd here is a bit younger. Whether you’re 23, 33 or 43 though the scene in these places never seems to change. I’m struck by how many people I recognize now, a friend of Eduardo, the Panamanian guy, the waiter from the restaurant. Everyone is standing around the bar, it’s like they’re waiting for their plane to board, only their flight has been canceled.

Reading other blogs, I’m very lucky. An understanding wife, the convenience of my family living in Europe, proximity to a large gay community, the financial wherewithal to support all of this, the chance find of a super apartment next to Peter, the fact that Peter & Paul without hesitation ventured into the gay scene with me and provided tremendous support. The family returns Wednesday. I packed most of the apartment today. The kids will come back and have no idea what has transpired. Life as usual.

But what about you? I tried to develop new gay friends, hard to do it in 6 weeks, gets more difficult with age, we just become comfortable with our existing social circle and don’t see much need to expand it. But if you’re entering this new world at an older age, god, you need a friend to help guide you.

Lessons? Wish I hadn’t hooked up with anyone, I get emotionally attached (OK call me a women!), realized for gay guys, sex is just sex. Rules are almost reversed in this world. Should have focused all of my time on building 1 new friend. One of the gay relationship books I read, repeated a bunch of times, DON”T DO IT UNTIL the 3rd date. Good advice. I didn’t follow it. The outcome was predictable, the guys just faded away.

Wish there had been other venues to meet people. I looked hard and tried anything I could find. The bars tend to have a self selecting group of people and I realize this doesn’t accurately reflect the population as a whole.

Frankly, I don’t know any of my straights friends who meet their love interest in a bar. So you have to search out, be open to meeting someone and most importantly be happy being alone for the moment.


  1. Chris,
    I hope you don’t end your blog. It would be interesting, as a formally married man to see how you reajust to going back with your family.
    Me, I love my family, always will. But I’ve met my partner and for the most part life is good.

  2. What was the name of the “gay relationship” book?

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