My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Integrity & character

TC leaves for NYC tomorrow. I will be alone. Very alone. I’m not going to like it, he clearly doesn’t like it, but it’s what’s going to happen and we’re simply going to have to endure it. What’s the alternative?

The lesson I have learned in the last 4 years is that integrity and character matter.  These are attributes you don’t turn on or off, nor do you acquire them after reading some self-help book from Amazon. You do things right and do people right, not because you give a fuck about them, but because you give a fuck about yourself (or at least I hope you do). It would seem that the most abusive relationship you will have is indeed with yourself. Quit worrying about everyone else, worry about yourself.

As a kid, my mother would hammer into me about trying to do things right and associating myself with people who do things right. I would roll my eyes, “motherly talk”. But damn if she wasn’t right.

For example, Peter is a really cool guy, fun to hang out with and could often quite caring, but he demonstrated a clear lack of character. Why in god’s name would I want to have purported friends, business associates or acquaintances who can’t demonstrate integrity & character. Clearly we all can be f’d up after that with all sorts of craziness. But lacking base ingredients?

Many of us (including myself) seem hesitant to tell others about who we are. We define ourselves as if our lives were lived on Facebook. We’re glamorous, cool, chic,  fun, exciting, and of course all of us are seemingly ‘hot’. The reality none of that would seem to matter to me at least much, if you lack integrity and character.

I feel like the lecturing mother here to you. But the reality is I’m lecturing myself. I can smell people of ill repute, yet I will often over ride these first impressions, because of some other factor, basically suppressing my gut feel. Yet, in the end, the true person always shines thru.

Do you have integrity and character? Who is going to say NO to that question on a date or job interview. But it’s not a question, it’s a life style.

I’m will be alone. I don’t do well alone. Gonna have to reverse the locks. Pray with me now.

4 Comments

  1. Where do you think TC is in this relationship? Just not sure? Looking for something better? Does he need a 29 year old version of you?

    You can’t live on hope that he’s going to come back. Start looking around.

  2. I agree with you Chris. Integrity and character are not found in midlife but instilled early on in our upbringing and then it’s either there or it isn’t. Not something to be turned on and off again like a faucet.

  3. You’re never alone. You have you.

  4. Thinking back through your relationship with TC and think that the one thing you guys had (and still have) was integrity for each other. Lots of dynamics in your relationship…….age, culture, maturity…..lots of things……so, they are just things which need to be dealt with. You’re happier when he’s there and so is he……

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