I’m starting to feel better. Looking for an apartment. Telling Peter. Talking the details with my wife. The recent Eduardo experience says I can find someone and have a good experience, if not him, there will be someone else coming along. So I’m visualizing the future for a change. That’s good.
Looking at blogs on the Internet, there is no lack of married guys visiting Gayville (7 non-stop flights daily). Similar to my own, they’re keeping a public diary, they’re looking for insight from others, an extended group therapy session. But I’m struck that there is a certain level of dishonesty.
I wish the dishonesty were to their family and friends who are in the dark (bad as that may sound). But the real dishonesty is to themselves for not being themselves. Folks, this ain’t a dress rehearsal, this is live. I don’t want to be on my death bed with any regrets about things I’d wish I’d done. I don’t want to be whacking off to gay internet porn anymore (unless purely for medicinal purposes) when I could have a great guy relationship that satisfied my love, friendship and sexual needs.
We all make excuses. I’ve spent the past year making my own. Wife, kids, job, neighbor, money, all are impacted, there is/was no way to balance it all out. But what’s the impact to you?
The next couple of weeks will be telling, but at the point, I feel the nose is up and I’m gaining altitude.