My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Endless night

Image354 (Small) I awaken in the dark. Where am I? I quickly realize I'm sleeping in my friend's Peter's bed in DuPont Circle Washington. I'm alone. It's 4:47 a.m. on Saturday morning as I write this. It's raining outside. Where is TC?

Last night TC and I went to TOWN, a gay club, about a 15 minute walk from Peter's apartment. I'm showing TC around and I've never actually been to TOWN before. It's quite stylish, we pay our cover, get wrist bands and enter. I order drinks and the bartender asks to see our wrist bands because tonight they're allowing those under 21 to come into the club. OK. Well TC has taken his off because he thought it looked "stupid". Manager is called, TC shows his passport but somehow either TC or the manager is being a dick and tells TC he has leave. The manager escorts TC out, refunds our cover charge and apologizes to me. OK – whatever, seems kinda of stupid to me.

It pouring down rain now and we make our way back to Peter's arriving solidly drenched protected but by a small travel umbrella. I change clothes and climb on the sofa. It's midnight 12:00 a.m., enough for the night, shit weather. But TC is all pissed about being ejected from the club, he wants to go out someplace else. OK – go ahead, I'm staying home. He leaves in a huff only to return 10 minutes later to nag me to go out. NO – final answer. So TC storms out of the flat, into the night with no jacket or umbrella.

It's now 4:58 a.m. – no sign of TC. He has no mobile phone, a tad of money and little sense of direction. It's stilling raining outside.

I'm weary of all the gay drama. For those long term readers, you know that almost without fail every single semi-relationship I've endured has had some element of flare. I've had more drama in the last 2 years than in 16 years of marriage.

I'm left wondering whether gay guys are just fundamentally flawed. Handicapped. Misfits of society, forever doomed to ride the happy gay merry go round. You might argue that my young friends are simply immature, but let's not forget my experiences with William & his friends and others had equal drama. I say this not to rile you, f*cking homo that you are, but because I now find myself an immigrant to this new world unsure of the rules, whom to trust and how to make my way to a better life. It's all new and quite strange to me.

5:10 a.m., getting lighter outside, I sit like a worried parent wondering where TC is, staring at my mobile, likely the only number TC remembers, my stomach growls from all the stress family, work, where I'm living and TC. I feel like I'm in the control room of a nuclear reactor in scramble mode unsure how to shut everything down.

5:17 a.m. – I'm gonna turn off the lights and try and go back to sleep. You can't worry about things outside of your control. But yet we do.

1 Comment

  1. Sounds like the time you and TC were in Spain. You’re right you are not in control… go to sleep.

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