My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Dynamics of a relationship

Two weeks ago, a 39 year old professional guy had sent a nice introductory email to me via one of the dating sites. I responded and back n’ forth we went. He eventually offered his mobile number and personal email. I gave him mine. He wanted to meet for a drink. OK – let’s do it. We chat on the phone for 10 minutes and agreed for a mid-afternoon drink at a nearby restaurant.

Date/time comes, we both are punctual, drink in hand, we chat for an hour. He’s not really my type. But he’s nice and could be a friend. I think he likes me, moving over to sit closer during our meeting. I’m not staying more than an hour, that’s enough for an intro meeting and so 1 hour in I have to go. He pays which was a nice gesture.

We walk down the street together, he tells me he’d like to go to dinner and that we should talk some more. OK – I’m fine with that too. We’re at his car, he hugs me warmly and our good-byes are done. A picture book introduction.

Two days later, I email him, thanks for meeting and offering him some dates that week to go out for dinner. I get no response. Thinking that I often fail to respond to someone simply because their email falls to the bottom of the screen, I send him a reminder note. Still no response. Checking on the dating website, his profile has been removed. Damn – did he block me? Peter comes over logs on with his account and searches for the guy and no, he didn’t block me, he’s simply disappeared.

Peter tells me he’s seen this happen a bunch of times. I’m not upset. But wondering what happened? Did he get back together with his old boyfriend? Did he have a horrible experience?

I’m thinking though wouldn’t it be common courtesy to reply to me. “Chris – nice to have met, sorry but some things have changed in my life and afraid we’re not going to be able to get together – Sincerely f*ck off”.  Case closed. I don’t have a lot invested here, but an hour of my time is an hour of my life.

This isn’t a gay thing. It’s human relations. Me? If you call or write me, I’m going to get back to you. You may not like my answer. But there won’t be ambiguity as to where things stand. William had written me once that “silence is a form of closure”. That’s bullsh*t. Silence is someone unwilling to be an adult.

Obviously, I’m not going to change human nature nor am I going to change how I operate. But coming out of a LTR into this sh*t is challenging, don’t let it get you down.

1 Comment

  1. Yeeeouch. I’ve been guilty of this as well. I wish I can come up with a reason but I’m blank. I hated it when it was done to me yet ended up doing it to some folks. I got drunk once when a guy did this, well that was when I was new to the whole dating thing. Taught me not to trust businessmen haha j/k I learned from it though, that sometimes people would do stuff that really has nothing to do with you so you can’t blame yourself for it. Though sometimes, I can’t help not to wonder why he did that, just disappearing when things seemed to have gone well between us

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