"Chris, you're playing in the kiddie end of the pool", Peter is counseling me, "You go screwing around with guys under 30, what do you expect." I'm back in Washington, DC. A stressful but fun weekend in New York ends in drama after I refuse to go sit outside for 10 minutes with TC. TC has not tried to call me, of course it would help if my phone were turned on. Peter, my straight friend, has fixed me a nice dinner and an expensive bottle of red and we're watching Californication to put me in a good mood.
TC's 10 minutes of drama turned into 3 hours of misery for me on my lone train ride from NYC to DC. I venture he didn't think about the impacts to me of his last minute actions, or maybe he simply didn't care, or perhaps he is echoing his own frustrations with the situation or it could simply be he doesn't have the experience to handle what is clearly a highly complex relationship. But my misery was quite real, I'm hurt by his actions and I was already wounded. He struck with an axe when a light swat would have sufficed.
Tiger Cub hasn't figured out how much I care about him, perhaps because no one else outside his immediate family has cared like I do. I'm a big horsey but easily steered, a gentle touch, a soft word and he'd be driving me wherever he wanted to go.
Life is far too short to have all this drama, especially if you care for the other person. You have to have sense of fair play and a wide latitude of forgiveness, you're playing for the long term goal, not today's victory.
I wish I were smoother, slicker, sharper, slyier – but I'm not, I'm clunky, geeky, always obvious and the words sometimes come out in the wrong order. But the meaning of my words reflect my true emotion.