The topic today is insecurity. But first, let me recap my history. I go screwing around behind the back of my wife, tell her about it and we’re still very much friends (she cooking a nice dinner for me tonight matter of fact). I move out, relocate to London England, company pays for a posh apartment. I find a sweet 23 yo, who I just adore, he moves in with me and we’re living the good life. I do this all in less than a year. I’m pretty lucky aren’t I.
But yet the feeling is shaky. I’m still far too worried about what’s going to happen next. Worried about TC, what’s he gonna do. Worried about how all this drama will unfold. Worried about being worried.
The reality is everything is going to work out. Stop worrying. Let the river carry you. Trust yourself to do what’s right. Make decisions as they’re presented. Don’t think so far ahead. An most importantly. Enjoy whatever life’s moments as they present themselves.
I’m not generally an insecure person but recognize this chain of events has set me up to be insecure. In fact, I think a bunch of gay people are more insecure than most. We all deal with this differently. TC hides his emotions. I frantically push all decisions to the front line. Others cop an attitude or display drama.
All of this just defense mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. But protect ourselves against what, is the broader question.