TC leaving for London tomorrow, he delayed his departure by one day, stud that I am. 🙂

I’m still troubled though, last week, a former colleague of mine popped up on my AOL Instant Messaging to say hello. Indian guy, late 20’s, just got married, moved away and is now at another company. We don’t stay in regular touch, sort of one of those distant contacts you have.

He’s chatting along, the per functionary stuff, what am I doing, he doing, and and. Well he sends me a Facebook link to look at his photos and up on the screen pops him alone at the beach. He’s a pretty buff guy. In fact most of the album is him prancing around half-naked.

The conversation gets a little awkward. He’s peppering his messages with a lot of double meaning words. “Don’t you think my friend is hot?”  It ends with him saying he’d “look me up” when he came to town again next. This isn’t the first time I’d gotten a weird vibe from this guy. Not yet taken whatever ‘bait’ he thinks he dangling before me.

Maybe this guy likes to live on the down-low, hitting up craiglist when he’s in some far out of the way town. Maybe he wants me to ‘confront’ him so he can talk about this. Or maybe he’s just trying to screw around with my head. Whatever it is, he has something on his mind.

A friend of mine, likes to screw around with married guys (who’d of thought – a gay ‘specialist”). According to him, he does things that their mommies won’t. OK. My stomach couldn’t take more questioning. He finds them much more sensitive and caring and they aren’t looking for any sort of relationship. Perfect for what he is seeking (though I’m not sure). The ‘net is married guys roaming about is much more prevalent than I first had envisioned.

We’re all sexual beings. Needs, fantasies and desires, we all have them, even you church goers! But society wants us to behave a certain way and we want to fit into one of those neat boxes that has been drawn. I lived that life and probably still do. Conformity is the norm.

I don’t think, though, that lying to yourself is a good long term strategy. In the end, the only person who has to accept you is in fact you.