My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

You get what you paid

Welcome new reader! Likely you got here from another blog, google’d some select key words and here you be, ready for me to impart my wisdom on how to pray the gay away. It’s a long story, haven’t achieve success yet, but not for lack of trying. I suggest you start at the menu “Getting up to speed on me” and select “The beginning of the story”.

The beginning is always a great place to begin. I don’t have answers for you, but I sure have a lot of unanswered questions. Most them began simply with WHY.

As you will read, I have lamented loud and often about ‘my’ situation which likely mimics ‘your’ situation and how I wish that this period, defined however which way you wish, would simple end. I am fearing now that it doesn’t end, it just continues on and on. We men are such cowards and while our little minds are quite simple, we continually seek to defy gravity.

On my own personal note, I am fully engaged in a new career role, something that has been missing for some time. It defines a piece of me. What piece I am unsure. Business colleague emailing me for help. My boss curiously asking whether I can go to Australia in 2 weeks time. Another group wants me in Europe before the end of October.

What it becomes is a blurry scene of airports, restaurants and at the end of the day, a sanitized hotel room, standard issue. Alone trying to figure out how the TV works.  I write this now sitting in a fancy hotel, an honored guest, they upgraded me to a full suite. I literally have two rooms, two bathrooms, a living room, 3 big screen TV’s and a kitchen. I sat in my underwear eating a wild boar quesadilla watching a DVD movie I’d brought. Last night I got scared with all the space and got up and wandered about in the dark. Is this my life?

But it is my life, or at least a piece of my well traveled life that I have known, it is good to feel needed, energized, powered on, thinking, acting, getting the daily shit done, moving the needle forward.

Meanwhile up in cold dark Toronto, TC calls like clockwork, the little brown tiger back at work, back with family, barely gone for a week, he’s already asking when we get back together. His warmth, faint purr and occasional growl seems at this point a distant memory

3 Comments

  1. While I don’t come here as a substitute for therapy, I keep thinking there’s hope. But alas, your comment that “it doesn’t end” resonates loudly in my head. I fear opening this can of worms will unleash situations that can never be adequately resolved. While I’ve certainly quit trying to “pray the gay away”, I’m not certain which path is worse – bottled up or open Pandora’s box. Keep talking…

  2. Come to Australia…yeah..pretty please!

  3. Chris – Yeah, go visit Single Guy while you are on assignment.

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