I’m not happy with something. Not sure whether I’m in full drama queen mode or just worn to a nub. In any event, I am and here it is.
My wife with kids in tow has returned to her home country of Germany each year for 4-6 weeks to see family and friends. In better years, frequent flyer points paid the way, now poverty stricken and an empty flyer account, I simply forked over cash for tickets. This summer of 2010 being no different. Off into the skies they went. I understand and it’s good for kids to see their extended family as well. All good.
But. My oldest son, due to a school project, is staying behind for the first 2 weeks and I’m baby sitting or teen age sitting as is the case. Last night, I was playing chauffeur and driving him to a friends, his mother had called that day, I asked what they’re up to, hoping they’re having a good time. He replied that they and Mr. XXXX had gone on a day trip to some village. As the single sentence emerged from his mouth, he quickly turned to peer out the window, he had told me something I wasn’t supposed to know. Mr. XXXX is the useless government contractor Ph.d my wife is dating.
Rage is an understatement. I clearly have had my share of secrets. But for the last 2 years, I’ve played open handed with my wife. We operate joint finances. I pay all the bills, ask no questions, she needed a car, I bought one. Something happens, I’m there. She’s met TC and I’ve told her exactly what I’m doing to support him. It’s trying times for me on many fronts, but I figured with solidarity, we’d weather through it.
Now I see she has not fully disclosed her planned activities for this European trip. Worse still, she likely swore the kids not to tell me that Mr. XXXX was going. Ooops. So there they all are, staying at her mother’s house, enjoying the good life. I’m here straightening out the garage, making home repairs.
I try to contain my emotions. Apply some logic. (1) Does she have any obligation to tell me what she’s doing? What she does now is none of my business. (2) How would I have reacted had she told me this beforehand? Would have been a nice courtesy. (3) Maybe she didn’t want me to get all excited. Best if I didn’t know. (4) Try to keep it a secret and hope to get away with it. The default option we all seem to be on.
This elderly Phd fuck boyfriend sits in my house, drinks my wine, fucks my wife and I pay the tab. Maybe it’s time I stepped up the game on these two love birds. Old man can marry my wife and pick up the financial obligation associated with it, is my opinion.
My biggest concern is she has asked my children not to tell me certain things. Everyone is due their privacy. But in these trying times, I hoped we were still operating as partners. Clearly not. Another lesson learned. You are alone. Make decisions for yourself. Remember no good deed goes unpunished.