I’ve been in New York City. OMG. OMG. I mean, like. OMG. There are some many cute guys. They don’t just have brown. They have brown varietals as selection choices. Meat packing, Chelesa, SoHo. Let me pause to catch my breath. New Yorkers are for the most part quite approachable (and cute, hot other adjectives as well). Unlike the butt ugly boys that DC seems to have most of whom have a stick up their ass about “how important their job is working for the Deputy Under Secretary of Quartz Mineral Mining Rights for Guam” or some other who gives a fuck job. DC = all attitude.
I achieve my personal best pick-up time, 2 sips and 45 seconds, hot (I will use that word only when it applies) 37 yo black ex-Marine. Super nice guy, no attitude he took Prof. Tim and I all around and served as our personal guide for the evening. Alas – my new pick-up method of telling everyone about TC doesn’t seem to be the turn on I think it is. Ah — the brown tiger up in a Canadian tree hissing away at me. New York — just do it.
One of TC’s friends seems to have what I have seen is a common problem. He’s been with and lives with the same guy for years now. They bicker and don’t seem to have much in common and sex is held on a seasonal ‘guess we have to do it’ basis. With sex so front and center in gay relationships, big surprise it’s often one of the first light bulbs to burn out. TC’s friend has taken to doing boys on the side almost in full sight of his partner/boyfriend who just pretends it’s not happening (BTW both of them are <30).
Yes, TC’s friend is loath to move on and so there the 2 of them sit in a condo in Queen West sorta of doing their on thing and doing things together only when nothing better is on offer.
I guess this speaks to the general insecurities of men and particular gay men. A “I’m staying with you but I don’t really want to” attitude. It seems difficult if not impossible to re illuminate the sexual light bulb once it goes out and I find it interesting there’s almost no attempt to rebulb it.
I’m left wondering whether these sexless relationships would have a better chance if they went to couples therapy. Men don’t like to stop and ask directions (gay or straight) and asking for sexual help is just too much. Finger pointing seems to rule the day in the classic “its not me, its him problem”. The reality though — it’s both of them.
Clearly, I’m not a veteran of a long term gay relationship so I don’t know what awaits me, but the pattern is a bit frightening.