My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Yes, but no, but yes

My friends often ask me, “when are you getting divorced?”. Well, how about never. Why do we have to get divorced?

Daddy likes boys, so it’s kinda unlikely I’ll be looking to get married soon plus with the state of gay marriage in the US, certainly not going to happen in this country “land of the free, home of the brave” BS. The US seems to always be a total contradiction of itself. So why get divorced?

A lot of divorces are often tinged with anger, you stupid bitch, screw you a**hole, type of stuff. Unfortunately, the only real winner in this situation is the government and lawyers, neither of which work segment I’m looking to see excel. You lose your tax status, pay capital gains on splitting the assets, set a time bomb on your primary home — I’m not seeing a ton of advantages here.

In Europe, it’s quite common to find people who’ve split up and just don’t get divorced and leading separate lives. I mean, the two were married, they must have some communication skills between each other, and they use the skills to come to some reasonable understanding, perhaps it’s written, in my own questioning, it often comes down to simply┬átrust and a basic moral agreement. I think that may be where we’re headed.

Clearly, my wife may meet someone, and I hope she does, and find herself wanting to get married. But in this case, she’ll be going to a new life, something to look forward to, rather than what often appears as the darkness of solitary divorced life.

All too often people try and take advantage of another. I win, you lose type of thing. But that’s the basis of a bad business deal for all parties. I have a moral obligation to my wife and she has an obligation to make fair and reasonable demands on me. Clearly there is some haggling, but it should be measured in millimeters, not kilometers.

I’m the biggest kid around, I find it difficult to take most things too seriously, I also make mistakes, but I hope we collectively will try and do the right thing.

Now with that load off my back, cleansed as I am for the DC PRIDE Weekend. Chicago-based Professor Tim indicates he has his party dress packed, I’m warming up some burritos in the oven, we’re going Latino hunting.

Meanwhile, back in London, TC has called twice today warning he plans to make random calls over the weekend to check my status and failing an immediate answer will alternatively become insanely jealous or sad. He’s still my little Tiger Cub, he need not worry (much).

2 Comments

  1. Chris – Just a thought from my own experience. When my wife and I separated 5 or 6 years ago, we too said we wouldn’t divorce. For me, it was the same as you stated – for what? Am I going to be remarried? For her, it was because somehow still being married, even to a gay man, was preferable to having to say the D word. Then, she started to put her life together, and she soon realized it was strange to be married and dating. Seemed like she wasn’t willing to move forward, still had ties to me. So, we divorced. It felt good, to both of us actually, to really finalize what was a fact anyway. She’s now remarried. And it really was so much better that our being married didn’t get in the way of her life. Sometimes, you think you’re doing something for someone else, but maybe, it’s for your comfort level? Just a friendly thought for consideration.

  2. Gary (the last comment): you obviously have not spent a lot of time reading Chris’s blog. he is a devoted husban, and a simply magnificant father. Your questioning of his intentions for staying married to his wife are simply uncalled for. I have never seen a man as deeply devoted to his marriage, his young children, and his younger lover. Chris, unlike you, can handle all these emotional relationships and he is, by all accounts, doing a simply wonderful job. He is lucky to have found a deep emotional, intellectual, solid and still sexual relationship with a simply remarkable young man. His boys are well taken care for, and he is constantly on top of off their emotional needs. Simultanously, he is a supportive and caring husband to his wife of many years. I simply love and adore the Chris model, and I think we would all do much better if we took his lead.

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