Wrong ideas

Before I left Hong Kong and before I took down my online profile (yes it’s gone folks, too late to check me out). A very sweet Sri Lankan guy contacted me and wanted to meet.  I did and I also did the right thing, I fell on my sword, told him I was only looking to make new friends, had a growling mongrel, who unfortunately was away from his master, back in Toronto.

My Sri Lankan friend handled it well and in fact was eager to make a new friend. He’s a mere 32 years old, a double Phd, a doctor of dentistry and like many Sri Lankans has a very open sincere friendly personality. He’s also a little brown (in a good way). Intelligent, articulate, he’s been in Hong Kong for 7 years, but has found trouble making friends. Hong Kong is quite racist, brownies are often seen as lower level. He was happy to have a new friend.

He can’t be openly gay, his parents and 900 relatives back in the homeland would never accept it, ever, never. They are looking to force him into an arranged married. As a respected doctor, he would be a choice groom, worthy of two pigs and a goat. He is looking to escape it all.

He’s never had a relationship of any kind. I don’t think he’s making it up, but none of any sexual kind as well. Until, at least, he meet another university Phd traveling through who seemed to touch his spirit. Obviously a big hook-up and a little “it only hurts for a bit” and he is totally smitten with this Phd now living in bum fuck USA working at some university.

My Sri Lankan friend is trying like hell to get a job in the US, anyplace that would put him closer to bum fuck USA. He realizes they both have educational careers, but he tells me that he is willing to maneuver to try and get close to this Phd.

I asked him how exactly that would work, say they were only 200 miles apart, that’s still too far for a daily visit and even this would get old as a weekend hookup. How, I asked, do they actually plan to be together, like every night, every day? He didn’t care, this was his ‘love’ and he would do what was necessary, hold on as long as necessary, whatever it took, he would do it.

I asked if his Phd lover/friend/partner was not cheating on him, he said perhaps, he didn’t ask and reasoned that yes, he was a man and had some needs and perhaps he was doing something on the side, but as long as he wasn’t aware of it, that it was OK.

On one hand, this story sounds so incredibly sweet and sincere, on the other hand, you can see my Sri Lankan friend being hurt in a terrible way and finally, if I close my hand, this story seems rooted in stupidity. How could you ever make this all have a happy ending?

I shut my mouth, remembering my rule of not rendering judgement on others. I was supportive, hope can be external. I worry for my young friend, he is so sincere, but he comes with a lot of baggage, not a lot of relationship experience but perhaps by the will of God himself, these two people thousands of miles apart might find a way forward.

One Response to “Wrong ideas”

  • mark:

    Gay or straight it’s a sad story, and I agree with you there seems little chance of it ending well……but we can still wish him nothing but good luck.

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