Must be the darkness of winter, I’m getting in one of my moods. Was reading some gay relationship book online. I’m thinking of trying to convert my relationship with TC to one of “friend”.
You can hear the train on the tracks for this story. One more long weekend with him, I’m going to be in the deep end of the pool. I know how I am and he winds my clock. I’ll be a bowl of oatmeal. Warm, cozy and sweet. Then what? Me scampering to be in London all the time, playing sugar daddy, Chris trying to managing my raging emotions. Comes the day of the “talk”, Chris meets someone else, can’t deal with all of it, moves back to Canada or or or. The “talk” ends with him disappearing and me alone again.
From where Chris is in his life, he’s not interested in a long term relationship, I fully understand this, but unfortunately it’s the only game I know how to play. I can’t be open to some emotionally and have the door opening and closing all the time. So while any love relationship with Chris is short term, a friendship with him can be forever. I’m starting to believe that sex seriously screws up relationships.
In a friendship with Chris, I could derive about 75% of what I would in a full love relationship with the benefit of it being for many years. It can be warm, caring, fun, we can still hang out, share out lives with each other. Doesn’t that sound like a better overall deal?
Starting to understand why gay guys bifurcate relationships from sex. Perhaps this is simply me getting wiser to the whole experience. I can hear your comments now, “slow down, 1 day at a time”. But I’m not so sure, once you go down a sexual alley with someone, it becomes harder to just be friends.