My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Where is Kensington?

It’s 4 a.m. I’m awake. I’m thinking of dumping TC. Big news.

We spoke last night. Just by chance a work colleague has a freshly remodelled 1 bedroom flat in Kensington to let February 1st. I’m excited. The timing couldn’t be better. It’s 2 a.m. London time, but I call Chris. He’s getting out of the bar, having a late drink with the other bartenders. Nothing bad happened, short call, he’s not sure where Kensington is. Even I know that Kensington is one of London’s good neighborhoods on the West side of Hyde Park, home to Harrods and other swank places. But I’m thinking.

The reality is Chris and I are both using each other. I’m getting ready to sail into a London/European gay world . I’m tough to manage and my ideal mate is likely someone with a bit of maturity, got their act together, probably a professional making their own money. Yes and they’re probably younger than I (OK you guys in the cheap seats happy again). But for now, I want somebody, anybody will do.

TC doesn’t even remotely have his life together. He makes these plans and then doesn’t execute. The shorter word for this is “dreams”. He wants to be successful, only he doesn’t want to do any of the work. He simply falls from one thing to another. Now he’s falling towards me.

He needs a place to stay. I’m a decent enough guy. I do all the work. He sits back and enjoys the ride. I’m thinking, he’s not lifted a finger to do anything since I’ve known him. In short, he’s lazy. I’m not, worse, I usually grind people like that up for dog food.

My gay ego kicks in, “I’m too good for Chris”, a problem that confronts many gay guys in relationships. If I could use him without getting emotionally involved, would that be OK? Is it OK for him to use me?

I don’t know, but if I know how the movie ends, what’s the point of watching the movie.

3 Comments

  1. Since the experience will still be worth it, and it’s something you can look back to o with a smile instead of just wondering what it could have been…

  2. what have you asked him to do? what expectations is he aware of?

  3. You say you want someone who is mature..but you’re only after 20 something guys…Chris is where he should be…discovering himself…

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