We spoke last night. Just by chance a work colleague has a freshly remodelled 1 bedroom flat in Kensington to let February 1st. I’m excited. The timing couldn’t be better. It’s 2 a.m. London time, but I call Chris. He’s getting out of the bar, having a late drink with the other bartenders. Nothing bad happened, short call, he’s not sure where Kensington is. Even I know that Kensington is one of London’s good neighborhoods on the West side of Hyde Park, home to Harrods and other swank places. But I’m thinking.
The reality is Chris and I are both using each other. I’m getting ready to sail into a London/European gay world . I’m tough to manage and my ideal mate is likely someone with a bit of maturity, got their act together, probably a professional making their own money. Yes and they’re probably younger than I (OK you guys in the cheap seats happy again). But for now, I want somebody, anybody will do.
TC doesn’t even remotely have his life together. He makes these plans and then doesn’t execute. The shorter word for this is “dreams”. He wants to be successful, only he doesn’t want to do any of the work. He simply falls from one thing to another. Now he’s falling towards me.
He needs a place to stay. I’m a decent enough guy. I do all the work. He sits back and enjoys the ride. I’m thinking, he’s not lifted a finger to do anything since I’ve known him. In short, he’s lazy. I’m not, worse, I usually grind people like that up for dog food.
My gay ego kicks in, “I’m too good for Chris”, a problem that confronts many gay guys in relationships. If I could use him without getting emotionally involved, would that be OK? Is it OK for him to use me?
I don’t know, but if I know how the movie ends, what’s the point of watching the movie.