My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

What’s your answer?

You perverts. The only way to get you guys to read my dribble is to include some guy shot on the posting. How classic.

I’m depressed. The brief weekend with Chris is gone. I miss him. I talk a lot normally (like this is a major finding about me, right), but I realized with Chris, I don’t talk at all. He pours himself out to me and I find myself just silently absorbing, hanging on each word. Listening. He has a unique outlook on life that just fasinates me. He’s disconnected, no cell phone, no incessive texting, no myspace or facebook page, checks email “every few months”. He’s living for that moment. It’s incredibly sexy.

Running my fingers thru his hair, I stared at his shiny dark almond eyes and told him he was a beautiful person. He stares back, not looking away, he pauses to absorb my compliment and replies with a soft “thank you”. My emotions starting to pool at my feet. I am such a women.

Yesterday, at the Toronto airport, I started watching the independent film, Shortbus, about the romance-sexuality of 3 New Yorkers (reviews). It’s got a huge gay component and the movie is borderline soft core porn. I’m huddled in a corner, “is that guy naked?”. The film is definitely interesting to watch and available on Netflix.

A scene of the movie that caught my eye was a couple’s therapist session, where one of partners is asked, “Tell me what you need in your life right now?”.

I pondered the question myself, “what do I need in my life right now?”. The answer isn’t obvious, it doesn’t just rise out of me on cue. We’re all so prone to worrying about the future, but what about right now. Isn’t right now important too? I think about Chris, he’s a right now person. Right now, I’d like him a bit more in my own life. But that’s just a partial answer.

Perhaps in our quest for long term happiness, we forget to address the here and now. So I’m thinking about this important question and hope you do to.

1 Comment

  1. The here and now for you right now is to not get stuck……standing outside and looking in I feel I know what’s going to transpire. But it’s not for me to say right now, just keep working on be a geniune you.

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