My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

What are you?

CNN had this story on a bisexual guy that I found interesting about Robert Winn who professes to be ‘bi-sexual’ but he’s been married to his wife for the last 17 years. I wondering how exactly does that work? How can you be married and bi-sexual? Aren’t you supposed to be monogamous?  So how exactly is he bi but married if he’s not practicing on the side?

The gay community is mildly tolerant of those who proclaim themselves ‘bi’ with the classic, “bi now, gay later” attitude, in general the gay community is usually accepting of however you want to be. You don’t have to look far to see the wide variations of sexual behaviour in the gay community, unfortunately while I’ve run into all sorts, “bi” isn’t one of those. No doubt it exists, but likely it’s a even smaller community, wonder why they go for help?

During my own experience, I was repeatedly ask if I had not be “screwing around the side” with some dudes since college. The honest answer was no, not even as an experiment, I was busy chasing woman and for a short period I had my fill and then I got married (so much for that).

I haven’t quite figured out guys who are married but continually fool around on the side, however,  I don’t judge their behaviour as being right or wrong (wrong as it may be).

The issue is really what does your partner expect? How would you feel if you didn’t satisfy all the needs of your partner? It’s got to be awful. French business guys were notorious for having a mistress in many cases with their wives sorta/kinda aware of it. The wife maintained the upper hand, “I am the #1 woman” and the mistress, despite long periods of loneliness, professed that she was the woman the man really wanted and got to have her freedom as well. In effect, each of the women got to claim a #1 spot.

Earlier in life, I wanted things to be a nice little boxes so I could understand them. I was practical. Now with age and perhaps a little wisdom, it’s more of, “if it works for all parties” good for you and if it’s a little crazy – so much the better. However, if the parties profess to be happy, but are still brooding about it, perhaps all is not so well.

I’m afraid we get to a point where we’re willing to settle, “yeah that’al work”, instead of seeking what we are really looking for. I think often about a day that will indeed come where my hunting days are behind me. We all will get there. The last thing I want is regrets. Regrets about things I did, but shouldn’t have, we’re all gonna have to deal with. But regrets about things we ought to have done should be few. Time isn’t on our side and I’d rather take immediate action than wait for what may never be the right moment.


  1. Good post. How’s your wife doing? You have not written about her in a while. And how is your BF doing?

  2. 2 things.

    I believe that bisexual is a legitimate sexual orientation just like homosexual is. Whether someone is married or not, or “practicing” or not, is beside the point. If I, as a gay man choose to be celibate or choose to be in a marriage with a straight woman, without having sex with men, I am still gay. A bisexual man in a monogamous relationship with a man or a woman, they are still bisexual.

    Secondly, you are right about “what does the partner expect?” That is the key that many men forget or ignore.

  3. “Droll thing life is– that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it is some knowledge of yourself–that comes too late–a crop of unextinguishable regrets.”
    Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad.
    I must learn to deal with my regrets. I can not avoid having them.

  4. Bi is just another stop on the way to gaytown! I was bi for a few months !

  5. I finally have had to admit that I am Bisexual. Been married for 16 years, Im out to my wife. I tried to go the “Im gay and married” route but it just didnt fit.

    You talk as though the gay world is accepting of most people… BULLSHIT! I have no problems from my straight friends.. they somehow get bi. I get berated from gay guys day in and day out that I am in denial. Its as though their experience is the standard that everyone else has to abide by. Just as single guy says above, “Bi is just another stop on the way to gaytown! I was bi for a few months!”

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