My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

What about the kids?

I often get asked, “what about the kids?” regarding this whole situation. Well, what about them?

I don’t want to be cold, but I went thru and suspect other “daddies” have gone thru the “I’m not coming out because it could hurt the kids”. Why stop there? “I can’t come out because … I can’t afford it, my parents would die of shock, my kids would be shameful, my employer will get upset, I can’t cook, I’m too old, the mailman will look at me funny”. Well – you should have thought all about this before you started sucking cock.

The point is this is your life and yes you have obligations, but in the end, your number one obligation has to be you. One of the things I learned in rescue technique (much  longer story) is as a rescuer never put yourself in harms way, because you can’t save others if you’re in trouble yourself. If you’re lying to yourself about who you are then you’re probably not the best person you can be. Excuses, everyone has one, what’s yours?

But let’s go back to the kids. People get divorced every day. Some kids to alright, some are a disaster. My parents got divorced, why they got married is beyond me, and yes the road was a bumpy but less bumpy than them togetherfighting. You might vote I’m a disaster, but it’s not my parent’s fault.

Like any human being, kid’s first concern is “how does this impact me?”. Selfish, but true. To that end I see 3 things we’re (my wife & I are going to have to do).

(1) No change to their life – same house, same routine
(2) No fault – they didn’t do anything to cause this and we still love them
(3) Honest – gotta know, Daddy is gay, they don’t really care, but now’s not a good time to start lying.

BTW, I have 2 boys, 12 & 14, so they’re old enough to get it.


  1. You need to be happy. The kids will understand. My parents got divorced when I was very young…they taught me that you have to be happy and in love…no matter how hard that is and the cost of the relationship.

  2. the guy who wrote–confession s of a mormon boy–HIS wife wrote a book about their relationship. Ironically, in some odd freudian way, her father had been gay too. Her parents split up and she became aware that her father was gay. Everybody else seemed to know except her. It’s an AWESOME story as she forgives him and grows to care for him a great deal.

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