I’m talking with my Indonesian friend about his relationship history. I know that he, like so many other gay guys I’ve met, has a “thing” for married guys (god only knows where that comes from).
So he’s explaining his last big relationship with Jason, who had previously been married and had this whole “coming out” BS story. He sadly ends the story that Jason died and that is was still painful for him to talk about it. OMG, so sorry, but what awful disease did Jason have? HIV? Cancer?
Well turns out Jason committed suicide. Seems he got real distraught about his situation, got depressed and then pushed the F*CK ME button. Needless to say, this was last thing I needed to hear, which is exactly why I had to drag it out of my Indo friend.
I can certainly see how that can happen. World reverses, time stands still, everything you’ve done in your life changed. Friends, love, relationships all suddenly at odds. There is no doubt a lot of lonely people in the world, gay and straight, coping, not coping, hanging on. The world not stopping to acknowledge your moment.
The challenge is not allow yourself to be dragged down. I’ve certainly found an army of unhappy gay guys, lonely, slutty, lives going nowhere. But this isn’t that much different from straight lives either. It’s just when you are down, you may well be attracted to these sorts, thinking this is the life you’re gonna have to lead. But it’s not. You’re in charge. Everybody has their own box of crayons, so the color the world as you want.