I’m airborne today winging it the 4,081 miles back to DC and then onwards to Toronto to see Tiger Cub. The things you do for love.
On my mind is what to do with TC. I make him out to be this pot headed, drunken party animal with no goals or purpose in life. The reality he’s home living with his parents, sister and new baby, hanging out with one of his 4000 relatives and going to bed at 10 p.m. He’s loyal as he can be to me but horribly disorganized and clearly no clue where his life is going. Not that I’m much better.
I went out to the Cologne Germany PRIDE events last night, every bar in the city magically transformed into a gay venue, streets blocked off, beer trucks at the ready, public bathrooms all over, food stalls open into the wee hours, police discretely in place, throngs of people drinking, all quite nice and highly organized. I can’t cruise around though. I spy the wandering eye guy in a group or the lone sheep standing away from the herd. Is this how you meet someone new?
The reality is I’m lonely and jaded and I have some unfinished business with TC. I need to sort things with him out first. I’m not sure what I want the outcome to be. He’s a safe haven for me at the moment, familiar and warm. But. Three letters, one word, can stop a train. I worry the obstacles with him are formidable and if it’s going to end, let it end now, only then can something new begin.
I need to get out of Germany and back closer to my family, they need me too. Like layers in some Photoshop collage, I need to flatten my image, I’m working with too many variables at the moment.
I’m in 17A if you need me.