My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Time passes

I wish I had some really great advice for you. I seemingly push you to confront yourself and deal with it. There you are within the castle walls, warm and cozy, a cup of tea, a cauldron of soup bubbling in the kitchen, the fire warms your feet. The kids romping around. A tidy little housewife puttering about, catering to your needs. Ah life is so comfortable, but it eats at you a bit.

I made the mistake of NOT reading any blogs prior to the start of my adventure.  Had I known what would I have done? Delayed my action? Mulled it over longer? Suppressed any action at all? Gone underground? I’m more of a here and now type of person, so here I be and now what do I do?

Many blogs speak of loneliness, the elusive search for that someone special, or of a wacky out lifestyle that while interesting to read, is perhaps a tad to real for daily consumption. I didn’t pause to project out my life and wonder just what is my life going to look like. A pity indeed.

I read the blogs. Photos of half naked or fully naked guys of all vintages, walks of life and physical attributes. Does that make you happy? Wandering about Toronto, it’s easy to spot the cliche gay guy, short balding hair, funky glasses, clothing a little too well tailored, the mannerisms, gawd, I can’t stand it. Me? I”m picking gum off my shoe, rubbing a spot on my shirt.

But I’ve become just as wacko, some girlie boy with long black hair and a twig figure comes scampering around the corner, yipping at me about some infraction of his endless list of rules.  Heads turn. WTF was that?

The ‘net is you’ve got to put yourself out there, deal with the sea of wack jobs, stick to your guns, be open to suggestion and follow your principals. But recognize if you become a wack job, you are in fact no better or worse than those you complain about.

It’s 30F outside, I’m in a beaten up house in a good neighborhood, sleeping on a futon bed in a bedroom the size of my walk in closet, I awoke this morning with a brown snoring lump stinking of garlic this morning but he was warm and cuddly and I hit the snooze button, just 5 more minutes please.

2 Comments

  1. Your musings have definately become more introspective, however for all your talk of action & former advice doled out, you don’t seem to heed much of it youself. Your life is full of loose ends & while living apart of the gay life you like, you’re still so in the closet. Is today easier or more fulfilling than life four or more years ago?

  2. who’s lonely? LOL

    Nice to see you are spending thanksgiving with your man.

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