My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Time out on the field

Scrappy Doo is in DC. We haven’t seen each other for a month. Unfortunately, the sex has been bad, bordering on terrible.

It’s a combination of factors. One, he is a night dweller and by the time we’ve gotten to bed, I’m exhausted and not up for any marathon activities and left alone for a minute, I’ll fall asleep. Scappy is definitely not a morning person and any attempt to motivate him in the a.m. usually results in claws. Plus we’ve had shall I say some technical difficulties (him not me). So all in all, the sex has been bad.

Rather than shrug it off, I called him out on it today. Like any delicate topic, he immediately took it as an attack on him and puffed up and attacked as well. Only after a bit of time did he realize this was me wanting to have a conversation and see what we jointly could do about it to improve things. He backed down a bit. He’s likes things to be spontenous and I’m more of a planner. But we crafting a workable solution.

A leading cause of gay breakups is sex, bad or lack thereof, which is amazing considering the genisis of many gay relationships start with a sexual spark. But guys aren’t usually talkers about their feelings and worse yet, they don’t like to deal with relationship problems. Ignorance is bliss.

Unfortunately, guys also get horny and bad or no sex leads them ultimately to misbehave and it’s usually the beginning of the end and if caught too late, difficult to turn back. I told Scrappy Doo this point blank. I decided early in this process, that I would always be up front and honest about my needs, open to the needs of others. I would have no hang ups on what is right or wrong sexually and that the ultimate goal was to keep yourself satisfied while ensuring the satisfaction of your partner.

Scrappy confirmed he’s still in to me and recognized some of the issues and a need for us to put a little effort here and if necessary plan it to accomodate each other. Sex can be warm, sweet, mild, regular, wild, crazy or dangerous. All of these modes work for me. But bad or terrible are words that merit immediate corrective action.

We all have off days, and should cut each other slack. Too often people play mind games on each other, leaving things to chance, or lack the internal fortitude to confront an issue head on. But if you wanna make it last, you gotta fess up.

2 Comments

  1. You gotta be able to talk about everything….good sex is important!

  2. Wow, what a post. You’re far braver than I am.

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