My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Time answers all question

Returning from the US, I spent some time at my home (or ex-home as it may be). I was relegated to the guest room, but otherwise it was if I hadn’t left. My wife cooked me a number of nice meals and we sat and chatted into the evening, glass of wine in hand. Just like old times.

Sitting here alone today, I got to wondering “what would have been” had I not made some monumental decisions. Would I still be at home mowing the grass on Saturdays? Cooking out on the BBQ on Sunday?  If you read from the beginning, I really didn’t misbehave for a long period of time before blowing the whistle (so to speak). So what would today have been like for me?

It’s pointless to spend great cycles on what would have been. But time and age allow one prospective and perhaps to allow some understanding of why things happened as they did.

First, I recognize there is a sexual continuum, a series of degrees from straight to gay. We all live on this continuum and like politics, few us live in the extreme left or right. It’s not the black or white answer we’d like. But few answers in life are truly that polar.

Second, I had been living on that continuum for a long time, but like some geological fault line, no earthquakes had been set off (yet).

Third, a series of work pressures, the boredom of suburbia life and chance meeting, likes star aligning, set off the silent fault and like all earthquakes some damage ensued. How would things be today, had all that has happened not happened.

If you are reader in “need” consider the factors in your own life and make sure you are not making decisions under duress or with numerous other factors mixed in. Because there is no going back. I have written and I am less sympathetic to those men who live their lie for years on end, often extolling their conquests in some never ending adventure. But they’re not looking for my sympathy.

2 Comments

  1. But, Chris, are you looking for ours?

    I guess I never ask what would have been. It is 11 years post disclosure for me, 10 years post divorce, and am in the 8th year of my relationship with my partner. I look at what is. I have a wonderful relationship that still satisfies me (and I believe him). I have 3 great kids that I made an effort to make sure continued to see me as their involved father, and that’s worked. I’m, in fact, about to be a grandfather, though I am far too young, and just today my ex-wife and I discussed the plans for when we will go to the hospital, whether my partner, her husband, will come, etc. I have far less friends than I used to, but then those that I do have a more real friends than those I used to have.

    In short, I am where I am, and there’s no reason to wonder what would have been. Just make sure you live your life fully, make your family know that you are still there for them, and continue to move forward, whether that is with or without TC.

    Hope you know I wish you well, but … sometimes you just seem so whiney!! Just doesn’t go with your alpha male image.

    Gary

  2. I think I still need more time to get answered!
    But I am happy to read your posting today!
    Cheers

    From Brisbane,Australia!
    Tom

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