Returning from the US, I spent some time at my home (or ex-home as it may be). I was relegated to the guest room, but otherwise it was if I hadn’t left. My wife cooked me a number of nice meals and we sat and chatted into the evening, glass of wine in hand. Just like old times.
Sitting here alone today, I got to wondering “what would have been” had I not made some monumental decisions. Would I still be at home mowing the grass on Saturdays? Cooking out on the BBQ on Sunday? If you read from the beginning, I really didn’t misbehave for a long period of time before blowing the whistle (so to speak). So what would today have been like for me?
It’s pointless to spend great cycles on what would have been. But time and age allow one prospective and perhaps to allow some understanding of why things happened as they did.
First, I recognize there is a sexual continuum, a series of degrees from straight to gay. We all live on this continuum and like politics, few us live in the extreme left or right. It’s not the black or white answer we’d like. But few answers in life are truly that polar.
Second, I had been living on that continuum for a long time, but like some geological fault line, no earthquakes had been set off (yet).
Third, a series of work pressures, the boredom of suburbia life and chance meeting, likes star aligning, set off the silent fault and like all earthquakes some damage ensued. How would things be today, had all that has happened not happened.
If you are reader in “need” consider the factors in your own life and make sure you are not making decisions under duress or with numerous other factors mixed in. Because there is no going back. I have written and I am less sympathetic to those men who live their lie for years on end, often extolling their conquests in some never ending adventure. But they’re not looking for my sympathy.