Slowly the light goes on. Scrappy is telling me about his friend Dick in Toronto. Dick is 28 yo and been with his “partner” for a number of years. Dick professes to have a big sex drive. His partner doesn’t seem to have it as much. Thus Dick is “out and about” banging in a somewhat open manner other guys. Dick, who ironically has a big dick, seems to always be horny. Scrappy got all upset that Dick wanted to have a 3-way with him and some random twink when he popped in to say hello.
Prof. Tim is bemoaning his lack of any real relationship but has found himself in some oddball situation with a constant non-sexual friend who acts like a boyfriend without the sex bit. One guy was quite keen on him but Tim wouldn’t distance himself from his more than friend connection. Thus Tim is back on Grindr, prowling the bars, sending me tawdy photos of cute but too young for his 39 yo self. Only to complain that all that happened was some drunken hookup. Tim’s typical date is go to a restaurant in his neighborhood and then go home to have sex, never to see the guy again (I’ll call this the Deluxe Hookup).
Scrappy’s friend Ryan, now seeing therapist weekly, bemoans he’s been screwed by everyone in Toronto worth being screwed by. He’s adorable, cute body, beautiful smile, intelligent and good job. But Scrappy professed that Ryan’s standards are immense. No one seems right for a relationship. The standard to shove things up his ass, a tad lower. Ryan doesn’t know what to do.
My new Lebanese friend is now telling me all these guys have proposed to him. But no, he’s not interested, he’s telling me it’s gonna be a high hurdle to “land him”. Course in the next breath he’s back to tell me about his big dick, tight ass and how someone was oogling him the other day.
The point in all this is that it now seems blindingly obvious to me is that SEX is the #1 reason for gay relationships NOT to occur. It’s difficult to HAVE a relationship if you don’t VALUE a relationship. I’m not professing I’m of a higher order. It’s purely luck and circumstances that Scrappy and I have kept it between the lines this far, but if you read from the beginning sex wasn’t a big part of our relationship in the early days (sadly it isn’t today either 🙁 ).
I remember reading the 3 date number being the golden gay rule (no sex before you’d gone on at least 3 days) and I now fully believe this to be true. It’s damn hard, couple of drinks, swelling in your pants, nearby apartment and suddenly the word NO is difficult to pronounce. Who’s supposed to say “NO’ anyways? My job or yours?
Scrappy was yapping that Ryan got quickly annoyed with a new partner (he is a 2-3 dates and I’m done with you sort of person) mostly due to some sexual technique he didn’t like. “They make this really weird noise” or “I didn’t like the way they did xxx with me”. Anything to provide some credible reason why the relationship didn’t work out.
I also think it’s immensely difficult to balance being a whore and husband material. You can’t be out snagging something on the side 2 nights out of the week while having a serious date on Friday. Men just aren’t are that smart, are we?
I’m happily in my little relationship and mostly avoid the homo world (Scrappy steers me miles away from it, I can only see the smoke from island). I’m not passing judgement, but I’m the master of the obvious here.