My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

The test I don’t want to take

In just a mere 5 hours, Professor Tim and I will be sitting in DC, Bloody Mary in hand and plotting our strategy for the PRIDE weekend, putting my game face on.

But I have a boyfriend, right? TC. Tiger Cub. Travel Puppy 3 (he responds to that best BTW). The real truth is my gun is no longer loaded. I'm a bunch of talk. TC and I discussed our mutual behaviour for the next month. The base rule, neither one of us should do anything that we'd be afraid or ashamed or felt would be hurtful to the other. Pretty simple.

This being Washington, DC, I'm trying to figure out how a drunken late night make out session with a sweaty Latino in the back of some club with just a little groping can skirt the base rule.

I'm harmless though. At least if I want to respect the relationship with TC. But I'm also thinking, he's a horny 23 year old, just returning to Canada. Old acquaintances, old clubs he'd hung out in, celebrating his return. Isn't he likely to cut a corner here? Some high school stud turned queer wanna feel him up.

So what happens if I'm a "good" boy until we get together next and he tells me he had an "oops" moment. How would I feel? Like some sucker most likely. But equally important, how would he feel in the same situation? Cheated on. Maybe you just don't tell the other person. Want to protect them from pain (or perhaps yourself). But then you've started a pattern of lying. That hurts just as badly.

My experiences are limited, but it seems the leading cause of gay relationship break-ups is infidelity. Guys are just horny and can't seem to keep their dicks under control.  In a gay relationship, I might think, the other guy assumes you'll be understanding because "you know how it is". Sounds all nice, but infidelity is like a thunderbolt to your soul, it hurts no matter what the gender.

What about if you "just dating"? Is it OK to have multiple sexual encounters? Not by me at least. It's why I hate to get 2 scoops of different ice creams, my tastes get confused and I ultimately can't enjoy either (OK so I'm lying – but the logic is good). I'm beyond dating, TC and I have another kind of relationship.

I'm going to have to play it safe. I value my current relationship more than the short term fun of a random encounter too much to put it at risk. Remember I said that on Monday. Just don't remind me too loudly.

 

4 Comments

  1. Oh I think that Jimminy Cricket will be on your shoulder all weekend long…..TC has no fears.
    But………you can lust with your eyes, how about that.

  2. Are your experiences really limited? Anyway, I’m sure it will all work out . You are a good dad to your kids, a pretty good husband to your wife, and a great lover to TC. The most amazing part of it is that you are so good at all three of these relationships at the same time! You have a lot to teach the rest of us, and that’s why we all read your blog. I think you need to give yourself a little break though and have some fun for a change! Stop worrying so much about the others and start taking care of your needs for a change.

  3. I guess this will be a test….you’re so right about the propensity of gay guys to cheat. I just hope that if someone does stray it doesn’t lead to just throwing away the relationship – that’s the real test.

  4. the great thing about a blog is that you express your darkest fears without revealing the person..
    Your a guy in his 40’s and he’s a guy in his 20s… of course you will have all the fears, we all do, whether its a straight or gay relationship.. you will work it out if the gods allow!!!

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