It’s Christmas day! But other things are on my mind. TC appears to be digging in, he wants to explore the world and urging me to move somewhere in Europe so he can “work and be happy”, otherwise, well, it’s going to be the Sound of Music, “so long, farewell, I hate to say good-bye…”
The reality, I can’t simple uproot myself and move at will. He seems to forget that for the past 2 years, I’ve basically paid for all his travel, food and roof over his head. Our lights aren’t own courtesy of the US government. No great surprise, TC doesn’t have a clue what an electric bill is or what it costs to live. Yes – he’s been a great companion and yes he’s sat here in DC for the last year idling. The sad part , I’m actually happy footing the bill.
Call me old fashioned. The deal I had with my wife is, I make the money, she creates the environment. My commitment to her over the long run, I’d work damn hard so that she had a good and fulfilling life. Not that every moment would be cherries n’ nuts, but on average. Finally for insurance, if the shit hit the fan, I wouldn’t leave her hanging mid-stream irrespective of what the law allowed. Well – the shit has hit the fan and all her stupid friends council that I was gonna screw her haven’t come true. My word is my bond and I honor my agreements.
Call me naive. I assumed that a similar deal was possible in the gay world. Label me a sugar daddy, if it makes you feel better (better yet call and call now!!!). So off I went to the kiddie pool, fresh faces, looking for my match with that new car smell. I stayed away from the aging queer, generally with more issues than a Congressional bill, rode hard and put up wet too many times, jaded about all relationships, a circle of catty friends equally unhappy, mix in a fag hag who can’t seem to ride a cock properly and it’s a picture of any gay event on any given night anywhere in the world.
Geez .. sounds like I’m pretty jaded too (just missing the rode hard part). But the one ray of hope and what I have learned positive about the gay world, is there are no set rules and any deal is possible if you look.
I hold out hope that the emotional bond between TC and I will win out. But it may not and I will mourn for a time, but eventually I will hit my reset button, forgot some of past, brighten my smile (lose about 10 lbs), lower my expectations and lumbar on as my safari continues.