My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

The downside of a long term relationship

Prof. Tim introduced me to another Latino gay couple during my recent Chicago trip. They’ve been together for 18 years. Now in their mid-30’s, they got together so early in life, they didn’t even know what gay was. In the last 2 years, their relationship hit a snag. One of the partners committed a sin and violated the trust of the other.

They live together, own a house together, work together but now sleep in different bedrooms. For most of the last year, they really haven’t spoken with each other. We got them tickets to the Chicago concert and for whatever reason they came together and spent the evening chatting and laughing, a first in some time. Prof. Tim’s partner was amazed at what unfolded.

This posting isn’t about them, that’s not for me to write about. It was my observations of them as a couple that was interesting. After so many years together, you could see how easily they interacted. They knew it other like nobody else. You could see the look in their eyes as they talked, there was a great deal of love between them. But for whatever reason, their relationship as they knew it is over. A violation of trust is a major breach. A new relationship would have to be created.

But in previous times of need, they’d reached out to each other. But was this possible now that they, themselves, were in trouble? It appeared that after some period of not talking, that the answer was yes. Yes, they would be there for each other to go to the next thing.

In so many ways, what they’re going thru is what my wife and I are going thru. It needs time, time to find peace, time to repair, and a time to renew. When my wife and I first started dating, she bought me a pair of wooden ducks (male & female) to symbolize a lifetime relationship. I love my wife, I always will and she will be a part of my life forever but it will be different not necessarily better or worse, just different.


  1. Gay or straight you have to work at a relationship. After 18 years things change, but it’s great to see gay men last that long. Gives us all hope.

  2. It takes 2 to tango. I guess it ultimately isn’t just your decision. I’m just saying. :I

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