My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Thanksgiving – a time to give thanks

I’m truly getting old. My son has just had another birthday and forgotten he was turning 18 this year. Wow time does fly, but in many ways time often stands still for me, I simply can’t move on or up or whatever it is.

My boys are back from visiting their grandparents, who casually let drop, along with my brother, that they all wanted to visit for Thanksgiving. Have a good ole family time together.  The thought of my yapping mother, hick brother, bitch wife and his two moody kids in my house is enough to make me start drinking now. But oh, I don’t have a house. But they don’t know that, for the last 4 years, I’ve not lived at home and managed to keep all of this a secret.

Sure my extended worldwide trips have raised some questions, but for all they know, we’re happily married and continuing as best we can under these trying economic conditions.

So many bloggers in my own situation, big fat married homo, have come clean to their immediate family. They all seem relieved like it’s some big burden off their shoulder. Their families welcomed them with open arms, ah sonny boy, we still love you. And they lived happily ever after.

My wife called me and basically said after 4 years, it’s time to tell them something because she’s tired of playing along with me and being a passive part of whatever crime I’m committing. But I still look over that edge and go, nah. For there is no upside to this. My parents will be concerned, have all kinds of questions if I do the full monty. They’re getting on in age. they likely have a different view of how the world operates (my mother refers to Asians still as “Orientals” and asked if I’ve ridden in a rickshaw).  I would be happy for them to be contently happy that all is well.

Or perhaps I take a baby step, tell them we’re getting divorced, one of those no fault divorces. “It just ran it’s course”. My father is divorced 3x, my mother twice, they’d understand that and probably that’s the most likely next step. I wonder though, how would they feel, to know the whole truth, their little boy has been living with a real little boy (ok so at 27 he’s officially a man sortof). Hurt? Deceived? More curious?

It’s not a question of whether they will love me or not. They will, of course. It’s more a question of how agitated I will be with the whole situation. But what signal does this send to my kids? Do I want them to lie to me? Am I being less than honest? I think we have raised our kids to be responsible and honest with some level of integrity. But this isn’t an honesty question is it.


  1. Hum….it is a question of honesty, but perhaps there is no need for the full Monty, there is a right to protect yourself, family, loved ones. I’ve raised my kids to put honesty, lies & integrity first & then I had to tell them that nobody is perfect & if you fall-down, (i’ve admitted my lie to them), then the only redemption is to be honest going forward. Once past all of this, nobody really cares to talk about it much, as forgiveness is still a cornerstone of good human nature. You have placed a heavy burned (again) on your wife, if its you that is holding her back from telling people. If she is unwilling to come clean then that’s one thing. But, its unfair to have others carry on your ruse if its a burden…..Sorry!!

  2. I feel like an ass and hypocrite for saying this, but you have to man up.

    Your parents seem to be your main concern. Although they are getting older, nothing you’ve said would indicate that they’re nearing their final days. I suppose you could go another 20 years hiding your sexuality from them, but the divorce? No. Some day you will have to tell them. It’s inevitable. Because it is inevitable you might as well take the plunge now and get it done. That’s the least painful option. The only difference between telling them now and telling them in 3 or 4 years is the sense of dread that will hang over you while you continue to lie.

    Clear your conscience and free yourself, the sooner the better.

  3. I would be sad for your parent to get old and die, never having known who their son really is.

  4. Baby steps….maybe the Divorce is a good idea! I’ll be in DC on Thanksgiving!

  5. Yup, it is a question of honesty and integrity. Sorry! It takes an awful lot of energy to live a lie, which is what it is, regardless of whether it’s a passive or active lie. And your wife is right, too, you force her into the closet with you, and given all else she’s dealt with, she shouldn’t have to hide in the dark of your closet, too!

  6. I am married and gay, I have 2 chldren and grandchildren. I am at the cusp of coming out. So I know oh to well the feeling. This is a very hard life to live, but I love my family and do not want to hurt them. I need to be happy though and true to myself. I certainly understand what you are going through. Good Luck to you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,You are my story

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