“Just remember in the end, we’re all just one big disappointment.” It’s a line I muttered late one night with Paul, my good friend, that he now uses constantly whenever he has some failing and trying to lighten up things.
Conner, who I’d written off, surfaced again yesterday. I must be very interesting to him, yet at the same time, terribly dangerous. He’s like a deer on the edge of the forest wondering whether to sprint across an open field, looking, sniffing, tensing up, but wanting to do something.
It’s time to level set this guy, my patience wearing thin. I have little by way of expectations of him. Don’t want to push the relationship. I’ve got enough crap in my laundry basket to deal with and he should stay back a bit. But I’m interested in seeing him. I’m a busy person though. When we want to get together let’s just set a date/time/place and be done, can be a week from now, a month, a freaking year for all I care. But I’m not a fan of this, “maybe we’ll do something” sh*t, that’s high school.
“You don’t understand gay guys, it’s tough, it’s like dueling swords”, Conner explains. Not sure exactly what that means, but I’ve clearly seen this “yes but no”” type of response from guys in the past. It’s conflicted and drives me nuts but I can only control my actions. So I continue to live my life and if our “swords” cross, great, otherwise I paddle on down the stream.