My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Sureal, life can be

“Stop freaking out!”, TC is yelling at me on the phone. I am freaking out. I’m trying to find a flat in London. A bunch of letting agents calling me, rescheduling, scheduling, I’m confused & upset. I just want to find a nice spot to lay my head. It will happen. Just let it.

I took a work colleague out for posh Indian. $200 tab and we didn’t hardly drink. The American dollar is a 3rd world currency. My eyes opened. It’s time to start buying dollars. The American economic engine will sputter back to life. I made money on the decline, I’ll make money on the revival.

I pop round to see TC in his bar. It’s Friday night, he’s working. A metrosexual crowd having drinks. His soft brown eyes alight on me. He’s so innocent, but can say many wise things. I told him the other night, I don’t want to interfere with him being 23. He’s got to make his own mistakes. But there are many things I would have done different myself at 23, had I had my current prospective. It’s the value I bring to the relationship.

Some guy is hitting on him. I don’t like to see it. I realize how jealous I can be. Prof. Tim says that “I’m in love”. Who knows. Let me get there first. But while that guy is hitting on him, I realize in just a few short hours, I’ll be wrapped all around Chris sound asleep. I’m leaving. Chris leans across the bar and kisses me good-bye.  He’s never done that before. I realize that I’m part of his life as well.

We all need someone don’t we? Life is so empty alone. Friends, try as we might, can’t fill that void. That spot, deep in the back, you know it’s there, but it’s so hard to fill. Walking back, I’m looking at the throngs of people out in the night air. Do they have someone? Are they even looking? Do they know this void even exists?

So much unknown ahead, life changing daily, I press onwards.

1 Comment

  1. I like your last paragraph. I feel exactly the same….not good to have a huge void.

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