My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Striving for a higher plane

I went out last night. I know, again. Another planner guy was having a mixer. Why not? Can’t hurt. DC is absolutely dead right now. I drove in to the event, only about 20 odd people. Drink in hand. Auto pilot engaged. Talked to an older guy, white, not in my food group, safe. Nice chat, but everyone in DC is in hurry to go on to the next thing. Looking over your shoulder, checking for messages. Relaxed it is not, pretentious, it is.

The night wears on. Couple of drinks in me. An Asian somewhere between 12 and 400 years old (never can tell with the damn Asians) is chatting me up, wants me to go with him to another bar. Fine, this place is dying. We walk over. He has a bunch of¬†acquaintances¬†at this place. But he’s full of himself, me me me me, I, I, I — I’m too numb from the alcohol to care. The night is wearing on and I’m wearing out. It’s now 1.30 a.m. — way past my bedtime and he makes the move on me. I am cute/hot/handsome (pick the combination that works for you). Whatever.

Sure, let’s go to my place. Easy enough. I walk out into the night air. It’s fresh tonight. The image of TC hits me. I love my baby. We always have a great time together even when we’re fighting. The emotion overwhelms me. I tell the seaweed roll this ain’t gonna happen, give him a hug and walk to my car.

Meanwhile, 700 miles away at the National Geological Whoring Center in Toronto, TC has sensed a small whorequake and despite his exhaustion and late hour, he’s calling me to check for damages. Growling. Disbelieving.

I should trust his judgement more sometimes. The reality, bars simply aren’t a good place to meet anyone (at least in DC) with any lasting consequence. This combined with my autopilot mode is not a good plan of operation. He’s told me this, hissed from his tree and swatted at me about it. He knows how the homos operate. I’m still a babe in the woods.

I have got to strive for a higher plane of thinking. Various scenes are NOT going to change and you have to play where you get the best odds. Random hookups aren’t my thing. My mission was to find some pals to hang out with. But do I need gay pals, hanging out in gay bars, sniffing around at whatever inventory is floating about.

Need to think, I’m low maintenance and emotionally, only need a few boxes checked to be happy.


  1. There has to be a better way for guys over 40 to find quality gay friends. It’s not the bar, it’s not manhunt…..I don’t know yet what the answer is!

  2. I’m glad you caught yourself and stopped before doing something that you would later regret. That signifies your declarations of love for TC are heartfelt and sincere. I figure you are lonely, but why create temptation for yourself by going to bars when you know they won’t get you what you want?

  3. I met my partner 46 years ago at the Westbury Bar in Philadelphia, PA. We’re till together. Never rule out any venue for meeting the Right Guy. Of course bars today are different than they were in July of 1964 but still, I would never have met him any other way. My advice is to never close any doors. Now, long distance relationships? I never knew of one that worked but maybe yours will be the exception. Good luck!

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