Prof Tim, my Chicago friend, has been in a weird situation for the last year that speaks volumes about gay relationships. Prof. Tim has been in a relationship for 10 years. Since I’ve known Prof. Tim, he has made it well known that he and his partner weren’t having sex. Tim wasn’t happy about it, he dismissed it that his partner’s sex drive was low. What Tim did for for himself, I have no idea. Tim had a small circle of friends and his partner, a Facebook demon, was a whirl of social activity. You didn’t have to look hard to see they were basically roommates who slept in the same bad. But it was warm and cozy.
Along the way, Tim finds a younger (by 10 years – sound familiar) Central American buff boy who catches his fancy and one late night in a drunken state, they make out with each other. Tim was smiten. The Central American guy unfortunately was not, or not exactly. This began one of the oddest relationships I’ve yet to see. Tim and this guy basically hang out with each other all the time. I mean all the time, every day, gym, dinner, bar, something. In the midst of this, Tim broke up with his partner, though they still live together (this is even complex for me to follow).
Since that drunken encounter, there hasn’t been any other physical encounter. Now the Latino isn’t well off and Tim is a bit more monied, so the 2 of them have jaunted all around the US (New York, Seattle, Washington, Miami) all courtesy of Tim’s American Express. Even stranger, the two of them sleep in the same bed. Like hotel, one room, one bed. It’s gotten so bad that Tim has a photo of himself and the Latino together as his primary Facebook profile pic. This is just all quite weird.
I’ve chatted with Tim about this. I’m his friend too and he ain’t flying my sorry ass around. But I remember my rule that it’s your life. I wanted to make sure Tim was happy and he said he was. Though he periodically will call and complain about the Latino. I’ve pointed out to Tim that his Latino friend has been quite clear that “no he’s not sexually interested in him” but on the same note, the Latino sleeping in the bed with him sans sex sends a whole series of emotional messages. Tim says he’s fine with all of this, but I’m not sold (but then again I’m not buying either).
My worry for Tim is if “Mr. Right” scampers by, Tim is caught in some odd emotional relationship with this Latino. It’s almost like both of them are on some path of self destruction. You can see this accident about to happen. But again, it’s your life and I’m busy fucking up my own.
Single in the City likes to talk about guys being “emotional available”. I didn’t quite understand it at first, but I’m getting the picture. You can offer yourself to others if you’re emotionally leaning on someone else, be it your group of friends, “special friend”, fag hag, mother or dog.
PS: Tim found out later that his ex- was cheating on him, which reinforces my simplistic few of all relationships, you must have sex, love and companionship in the mix to go the long haul.