Summer 2006 – I sleep at Stewart’s 2 more times. I realize while I’m getting a blow job one morning, that I really don’t like him that much. Stewart is an interior designer, he was a strip club dancer at one point, he had a long term well known Gay advocate boyfriend, but got dumped, he drinks too much, he hangs out at the bars too much and he is clearly a gay whore. He craves attention.

But Stewart has been my gay training wheels, he tells me many things about gay life that I needed to know. While he has a new boyfriend and we don’t sleep together anymore (though he still wants to), he calls to chat and stays in touch. It’s sorta of sad, I think I touched him in some way, in a way no one else has. I listened and I cared. He admitted to me that while he tells people he is 29, he’s really 37. Why? Because he can.

What is becoming clearer to me that while I had lived a nice wholesome family life in relative bliss. Many folks, straight and gay, have troubled lives and can’t seem to find a life partner. It’s also clear to me that random & rampant sex can destroy your self esteem, like turning a gun on yourself.