I am recounting to Brian (my therapist) my stories from Chicago and how well behaved I was. “You know Chris, you might not have a ‘slut’ period, in fact, you may have already had it”, Brian notes. Thank god, finally the man is getting me. I learn fast, been there, done that, no thanks, was nice, but I’ll refrain from a riding that ride again.

It’s at this point Brian intones quietly that I need to watch out for drugs, most particularly crystal meth. The drug choice for the gay community, the San Francisco Health Dept believes that 40% of all gay men have tried it. It’s a major problem for the gay guys, he says. But why? Well, you can stay up for 72 hours, think you’re a great guy and you  have sex the entire time. The really cool element, you become an instant “bottom” because of temporary erectile dysfunction. Bring it on!!!! The only downside, it destroys you. Ah shit.

I’ve already spent thousands on cocaine earlier in my life, thousands I wish I’d wisely invested so I could be that much closer to stopping work and staying home and watching Animal Planet all day, which is, in fact, my life long goal. Plus, I love my sleep. Brian seems relieved, but it’s clearly a warning sign on my journey.

m;”>What’s the reason behind all of this? Looking at the local gay newspapers, WashingtonBlade or MetroWeekly, there are an inordinate amount of therapists. I’m quickly concluding, “it’s not me, it’s you that’s f*ucked up”. Brian laughs and goes on to explain.

;”>The coming out process generally happens earlier for most guys. It’s dramatic and for many happening at an emotionally immature age, it leaves a scar from which some don’t recover and even those that do, there’s still a scar. Thinking back, I’ve worked for 2 successful executives in my career that I knew were gay (they went out of their way to hide it though). Liked both of them, fair and fun, maybe because I was part way in the club. But they had some strange quirk to their personality that I could never figure out.

I’m doing this later in life and am more comfortable with who I am. But need to be mindful of others I met and the experiences they’ve had.