My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Steerage

I finally made it Toronto. Now I know what life much have been like traveling 3rd class on the Titanic. Subway, plane, bus, subway. The bus was the ultimate, crossing the border and realizing that all immigration people went to the same training class. But I’m here.

I’m in  an ethnically mixed neighborhood. Canadian’s generally aren’t flashy with money. There’s a gritty feel to the city, a bit dirty, no sterile shops but little independents hawking god know’s what. But the people are friendly and unlike Washington, DC, the center of our police state, you don’t hear sirens all hours of the day, we’re at war you know. Police in riot gear ready to protect ‘us’ against ‘them’, though we’re not quite sure who ‘them’ is. I got admonished last night by visitors for locking the door. “We don’t do that in Canada”.

TC is working on an Excel Spreadsheet of all the places and things I’m not allowed to do. The city is young and loads of cute boys of all sorts of flavors. He’s been keeping eagle eyes on me. 🙂

I worry about what is now becoming long distance love. He’s my pup after all, but he’s also a pup and his owner isn’t necessarily here all the time to service his requirements. There’s nothing like the finality of a blow out relationship. “Fuck you, no, fuck you, stupid fuck” is a great way to know where you stand. It’s where the relationship fades or things take a turn that are difficult to handle.

The issue is you need to listen, and most importantly not ignore what you hear. People will tell you what they’re feeling. Unfortunately, if they don’t give us what we want, we improvise.  ‘No they didn’t mean that” or the “yeah they said that but they’ll change their mind”. We’ll do almost anything but accept at face value what someone has told us.

I can’t ignore our age difference. It becomes most apparent when we’re out with his friends. I’m a daddy. It’s no sort of basis for a lasting relationship.

But what is lasting, all relationships are subject to change, you gotta roll with the here and now, make the best of it.

3 Comments

  1. You knew you were going to be “daddy” right from the start. You also knew that most of his “friends” can’t match you intellectually. Yet you are still drawn like the moth to the flame to TC. So there must be something more there then meets most peoples eye. You are most happy when it’s just you and him…….is he?

  2. How much longer do you think this situation will last? Sorry, I know you don’t have a crystal ball. Then what? What’s the backup plan?

  3. You want a son and he wants a daddy. It will work out until he grows up…then you’ll look for another son. You need each other so it will last as long as you need each other.

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