2005 and 2006 – Way too long a period to cover in a simple posting. But Ken and I develop a long distance relationship. We talk, email or IM each other almost every day. We talk about business, our lives, what we’re thinking, what we’re doing, what we hope to do. I sneak out of the house to call him, sitting in my car on a darkened street, chatting away.
I realize that I’ve fallen in love with him. But we’ve never mentioned sexuality. Ken likes to talk about his "near" conquests with women. Though, he never seem to go out with any. He goes out with a bunch of girls and hangs out. Never the "I took a girl to dinner, then we went back to my place" story. He’s a bit girlie, a bit too sensitive, a bit touch feely. He seems to like much younger girls or girls who are in the middle of some emotional distress. Whatever, it doesn’t sound like he’s getting laid much
After much internal turmoil and many months, I write Ken an email and I tell him I think I’m gay (I fail to mention that I’ve fallen for him, hoping he’d figure it out for himself). He immediately tracks me down via telephone. He is fully supportative, he is there to talk to me, he is my friend. BUT he is not gay, he tells me.
I don’t know what I was hoping in telling him, but it felt better. Indeed with each person I’ve told, I’ve felt better.
The people who like and care about you, will still like and care about you, no matter what your sexuality.
Sexuality is personal, it’s hard to question someone about their own. I think Ken is gay, but he doesn’t, so he’s not. It’s not my problem to solve nor is it my job to help him solve it. He’ll find his way on his own (likely with some butch women who beats the crap out of him every day).