My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Soap opera continues

Guys, I need some help. I feel like some 23 yo kid is in charge of my life. The reality TC gets to decide when/where/how he shows any affection towards me. He can also change his mind and turn hind tail and run. It sends some very mixed messages to me.

Does he like me? Or is he simply using me? I’m feeling pretty low and when I feel low, I go in search of either an Asian or Latino. Last night I got both. I went to a London bar that caters to Asian guys who like white dudes (that would me, “table for 2 please”). Just in case that’s not enough, I call a young Columbian guy I’d met in another bar. By 10 o’clock last night, I had a cute Asian massage therapist on the right and a Columbian on the left. I’m all happy. Fusion cusinie.

I’m the adult, I need to confront Chris. So down the wet streets of SOHO I go to his bar. It’s dead tonight. He steps to the side. I explain we need to talk, he of course wants to know about what. I explain the topics at hand.

He backs up and says that he’s been clear he’s not in a position to be in a relationship (or at least the position I’d like best). But what is he in a position to be to me? I understand why he jumped to move to the flat, his previous horrid living conditions. But really what the f*ck did he expect to happen between us. It’s not fair to me. I have no need or desire for a roommate. Does he expect to be catered to like a BF but then on a minute by minute change how he our relationship works. We’re going to have a serious discussion.

At 3.30 a.m. I awaken. I’m sleeping in the 2nd bedroom. I can’t allow myself to get more emotionally connected. Chris isn’t home. 4.00 a.m., still not home, the bar closed 2 hours ago. He’s taking a night bus home for the first time. I’m worried. I call. No answer. His mobile isn’t turned off. I text. No answer. I call again. WTF?

At 5.00 a.m. an obviously drunken Chris opens the latch to the door, stumbles into the other bedroom and passes out. He’s sleeping as I write this. He’s got some s’plaining to do. He’s not going to like what I have to say.


  1. Now now Ricki you have known where Chris is coming from all along.
    On the other hand you also have options. If you don’t like the arrangement as it now stands you’re holding most of the cards. This is what Chris has been worried about all along……as the “kept” man his options aren’t many. So sit back and decide what it is “you” want and need. Talk with Chris about them. He can either go forward or leave.

  2. yeah, have you told him what you expect yet?

  3. hey buddy…been missing a few entries! What do you want? You need to make a decision as to whether you are happy with Chris or not? Only you can know this….if you let yourself be will be used.

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