TC’s visit with me here in Cologne, Germany has morphed from a “I’ll visit for a week” to now more like 3 weeks. But he has to go home. His big brown eyes all teared up while sitting on my lap as I booked the flight for him to London. He returns to Canada on June 13th and needs sometime to close out his affairs in London. He’ll have just over a week to do it.
The fear is for us to stay together in any form, he’s going to have to make a decision. Long distance love doesn’t work for long unfortunately. He’ll have to make a decision to be with me. But with that decision, it’s also an acknowledgement that TC won’t do other things in his life. At 23 years old, he can be awfully smart emotionally for his age, but a second later turn back into an irresponsible directionless kid. Do I help him in growing up? Am I helping myself?
He’s now sensing the impact I’ve had on him. We’re living together and he likes it. Last night, we cooked dinner sat out on the 4th floor balcony overlooking an inner courtyard and then watched a movie. I went to bed, TC went out to rollerblade and get a beer in the gayborhood. He’ll come home in an hour or so. Both of us quite content. TC won’t be able to date or just hang with a guy in the future, I’ve ruined him. He’s going to want a relationship of some depth. His life won’t be the same.
Damn relationships. It’s always about compromise. A decision to be with someone, means a decision not to be with someone else or somewhere else. A single life alternating moment. When he departs, I suspect another chapter in my own journey will be over and hope for some reflective time (but you know me too well by now, damn).