This blog has become a glowing set of embers. The high flames of drama now appear long gone. But deep down I continue to struggle with where this is all going. Worried I will be alone, concerned about my public reputation. The future is not for us to see.
I’m off to Toronto today. TC is very excited, calling me at all hours. Like a little kid anticipating Christmas. Our periods away build great anticipation and unwittingly also allow us both moments of reflection about how we are together. He called late last night from a friend’s house, growling that the place with filled with all kinds of boys in my wheelhouse and that NO I shouldn’t plan on going out anywhere but alone with him. He’s so funny, fine by me.
I often feel I have found a gem. TC seems to deeply value our relationship. Much as he growls and snarls at me, I’d be deeply surprised and shocked if he were to cheat on me. While we all have our lusts, lust and action are two very different things. For the moment, I’m happy and at the moment, I live moment by moment.
I continue to read Velvet Rage. Like many gay writings & books, including this blog, there is a woe as me element to much of it. As humans, we all seem to seek acceptance for whatever we’ve done from some higher power. An assurance that whatever we did was OK.
A nation’s laws are constructed upon how a society wants themselves to be governed and not necessarily what is right or wrong. Society’s views change and consequently so do the laws. I fear many gays operate under some “Gay Code of Ethics” which seems to permit cheating, promiscuous behaviour and merry-go-round series of relationships. It’s acceptable but it’s not necessarily right.