Summer 2006 – Stewart continues to call and I will occasionally come in for a drink with him, but I’m not interested in sleeping with him anymore. But I’m still seeking something, but what is it and why?

My gaydar is pretty good now. I’ve noticed one of the IT programmers in my office is clearly "over the edge". Aakesh is 24, Indian and has that cute puppy dog look, a babe lost in the woods, we chat often, he’s shy, he’s still living with his parents. I’m turned on.

Aakesh gets fired one day. He calls me. He’s upset. I listen and try and help. Luckily, he lands a new job pretty quickly. I ask him out for a drink, he agrees.

He’s clearly nervous and we talk. I’m bold, I tell him a bit about my male experiences. He’s now uncomfortable, but he doesn’t bolt. Then Aakesh begins to tell me the story of how one night he gives his best friend a "blowjob" after a night out. Aakesh’s friend has a girlfriend and since that night, his friend hasn’t really wanted to hang out with him and in fact, their friendship has faded. He’s clearly hurt by it all and you can hear the confusion in his voice.

Indian culture is tough on gay behavior and Aakesh is quite confused and in denial, he doesn’t want to talk about it any more. The night ends early, Aakesh avoids my telephone calls and emails. He’s clearly too young for me and my intentions were not 100% honorable.

Nonetheless, I’m interesting in the experiences of other men as they deal with their sexual identity.