My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Seeds of doubt

How ironic, I cheat on my wife and now 2 years later I find myself facing the prospect that TC cheated on me. Let me tell you it feels a lot better to be the cheator than the cheatee.

Being cheated on says I’m not good enough for you and it deepens further to say I don’t respect our relationship and finally it hits bedrock with the whole issue of trust. Cheating thus seems to be the single pill method to f’up whatever relationship you’re in. It’s the leading cause of break-ups for gay couples. Guys and their dicks, not a good combination.

You can easily accept someone’s apology (I screwed up), but things often are never the same. But a greater power does exist, it’s the power of total forgiveness and only the cheatee can grant it. This relationship chemo treatment wipes the slate clean, resetting not only the bad, but also the good deeds that were previously done. It’s a massive white-out, best used sparingly.

Total forgiveness isn’t easily granted, for it is a virtue of the weak and an ornament of the strong. The cheater must come to fully understand and appreciate the great sacrifice being made by the cheatee in granting forgiveness and for that moment, the cheatee is a better person than they. From this, you hope, new found love and respect can be found.

This situation with TC won’t be resolved in a phone call and is best served in person and my maturity (or stupidity, sometimes interchangeable) is allowing me to withhold judgement for the moment. Time answers all questions.


  1. someone has been fooling around. You can’t get crabs from is very rare and clearly there was some full on sex going on…so fess up!!! who cheated? welcome to the world of gay relationships!

  2. Poor little cub. Did not want to say anything before, but now that the cat is out of the bag sort of say (i.e., everyone is pointing out the obvious), I must say that . . . sorry, I don’t buyt the “sheets” story. Someone slept with someone else. Sorry 🙂 Poor little cub. Maybe he just couldn’t help himself? Whatever you decide, we are all here for you and will support you 100% Sometimes cubs will stray, does not mean they are rotton meat.

  3. Sorry to hear about what happened but hope you do find out what actually went on and how you got it.
    I’m not sure if cheating happens more with gay couples, but everybody cheats. Is it really more prevalent in the gay community?
    I’m sorta in the same ship right now. Going through some issues with the bf about lying, etc. I’ll admit I haven’t been completely honest from the beginning soo yea. I lied, and just last week, I caught him on a lie while he’s out-of-town. Tell me though, cheating doesn’t always have to be where one person has sex with somebody else, right? Something physical doesn’t have to always happen for it to be considered cheating. Or is it?

  4. Kris: I think cheating is in the eye of the beholder. It’s a question of what is agreed to between the two parties. Some people will say that doing things that stop far before sex (like chatting, camming, etc.) alienates affection from your relationship. I don’t agree, but … that’s me. You and your bf have to honestly figure out what parameters you each can live with.

  5. Gary, Kris, and everyone else: Give Chris a break. This is his blog,not yours.

  6. Hey, Don, have you not read anything Chris has written? He writes for himself and others, but also to get people’s take on what’s going on. It’s generally the concept of a blog.

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