My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

The gangplank awaits

Dinner last night with mid-30’s attractive well mannered baseketball size black professional, he’s assembled a group of 200 gay guys who meet up for drinks, dinners and the like. We had talked about how I could help him scale it to 5000 or more and what underlying technology would be needed. He’s all excited and has appointed me as an “officer” and all his friends are now emailing me. Gag.

We’re having a general ‘get to know’ you conversation. I ask about his current relationships as “I do”. He’s not really ‘dating’ and he finds himself out looking for a hook-up “but only once a quarter”. He’s quite noble about his hook-ups, “I don’t like those who do hook-ups every 2 weeks”. I’m not quite sure what the difference is. But it’s a difference for him.

Turns out he was in a big relationship for 7 years that ended 3 years ago. He turns away, his eyes well with tears, the wound is still not fully healed and quickly adds the infamous words, “I don’t need anyone in my life right now”. You seeing a theme here?

You know me well enough, I couldn’t leave this alone. So I got out my shovel and started digging. He continued how guys like him, but he’s not into them and vice versa. He’s not into other black guys and had to deal with the stereotype of what “black guys” have on offer. His dialog trailed off with a list of this that and the other and his own personal checklist.

So what exactly does he want? Interestingly, despite all his intellect, he wants a guy not to small, but not too tall, with blond or brownish hair and they must have blue eyes.

Wow, how limiting, he needs to go Denmark on his next field trip. Stupid fact – births of children with blue eyes has dramatically decreased in the last 100 years, currently only 16.6% of births (male & female) are blue eyed. My friend is clearly looking for a needle in a haystack.

I was surprised that his first concerns were physical characteristics and not one about interests or emotions. He pointed my own questions at me to answer. Frankly, only by writing this blog have I discovered what I want. I want an adventurer. Someone who wants to go see the world. Someone who is happy with change. Someone eager to explore the next street over or the next continent. Camera in hand, map in pocket, mouth open to taste the foods.  TC is my adventurer companion, my wife was also an adventurer as well though with kids and obligations, we didn’t have the window to do as much.

As you get older, you should have learned by now to have less rules, not more. To overlook the cosmetics defects we all manage to get and blur your vision on the personality quirks of another. No one is perfect and you will not be found nor will you find if you don’t have a sharp focus on what truly is important to you.

TC UPDATE: I understand now why the cruise company won’t tell the employee the assigned ship, because it may change suddenly. TC had to know at least the line, Celebrity, he was OK with that. Well yesterday they yanked that and said it would be another line and they wouldn’t tell him. Only after him bitching and growling did they leak it was probably Royal Caribbean. He immediately went up in smoke. Royal Caribbean? The cruise line of the commoner. My brown body shall not grace the gangplank of such a pedestrian vessel. I talked my growling diva back down, but I understand the angst of not knowing!

1 Comment

  1. You are on to something there. It appears that way too many guys are too picky. Sometimes you just have to throw out all the desiderata and you will get something less than perfection, but at least you will have someone. Of course, the question always is – is he the best – could you/he do better? I am content in my choice though I have yet to fully analyze what it is that we both want and why we are happy together.

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