During the past year, some gay guys have told me, “when you finally leave your wife, you’re going to go running around”. Really? Well, I don’t think so. But it’s troubled me. Because I don’t want to.
My job involves dealing with new people all day long (and I’m not talking, “would you like fries with that, sir”). I generally size people up in about 30 seconds. How they stand, hold their hands, tone of their voice, look in their eyes. Doesn’t really matter what they say. We all emit a lot of information silently about ourselves. You just have to observe (amazing I do it, considering how much I talk). Every time I’ve “overruled” myself from the initial 30 second judgment, I lived to regret it. Listen to the force, Luke, I remind myself.
Sex is important. But frankly, I’m uncomfortable with someone I don’t know touching me. Similarly, I get more pleasure of touching someone I do know and care about. I’m happy to date and postpone full on sex until both of us are comfortable (like waiting for Christmas). By the 3rd or 4th date, you kinda of know for sure whether something is there or not. If it’s not there, I’ll move on.
I mentioned this to Brian (my therapist). He laughed and reminded me that I doggedly & singularly pursued my wife for 90 days, married her 1 year after our first date and stayed happily married for 15 years. So no, maybe I’m not the run around type, he concluded.