I need to get serious, I need to focus, I need to reach a decision, I need to figure the way out. I’m telling this to my therapist, Brian.
He asks me what I’m afraid of. What am I afraid of if I try and stay with my wife, my family, my current life? What are my fears in moving to a fag-tabulous life style? I don’t have an immediate answer.
Brian congratulates me. "You’ve made a lot of progress since we first started, you’re more comfortable talking about it and to some degree you appear to more accepting of this identity", he concluded. What? Sorry, was thinking whether it was too late to order my Gay Pride T-shirt.
I cried out, "I need this to be simplier, it’s too complicated, what the hell kind of relationship am I seeking". Some of my therapy sessions have fallen kinda of flat, I leave not feeling loads better. But just when I’m about to give up hope, Brian says something that really makes an impact. His next statement to me was total clarity.
"Relationships are about 3 buckets – love, partnership and sex", Brian announced. It’s when either partner is NOT happy with the level in one or more of these buckets do problems arise.
Do I love my wife? Well, yes, I do. Is my wife a great partner/friend/companion? Absolutely. Sex? No, oops, and we were doing so well too.
Relationships are, in fact, complex, but I needed to understand the big building blocks. But that statement by Brian has brought focus to what my journey is really all about. Can SEX be that important? I hadn’t thought so before, but perhaps it was because I had denied it and in doing so denied a part of myself.